There Goes Me
by inkveins'paperheart
Summary: When a personal tragedy strikes Lily Evans, she struggles to hold herself together. She loses some of the people she loves the most while failing to cope. So close to losing everything, who's left standing to bring her back from the brink? LilyxJames.
1. Chapter 1: The Owlery

_Just thought I'd let you know that mum's in the emergency room again. The doctors told me they didn't know if she's going to be well enough to come home anytime soon. Not that you deserve to know anything, especially not from the people you call your 'family'. I hope you know, you may just be one of the reasons she has cancer in the first place. After dad left, the last thing mum and I needed was for you to evaporate off to some school for freaks while I'm at home making her last days as comfortable as possible._

_Then you have the nerve to try and take her to some freak hospital, St. Muggo's or whatever the hell it's called and dare suggest__ your kind attempt to heal her? You're just lucky that she is a selfless person and won't blame you for anything, but I know better. Have a good time at Hogwarts while our mother is dying back home.  
Yours truly, Petunia._

Lily looked up from the letter and stared out through the wide window of the Owlery. Her elbows rested on the edge of the sill, cold hands gripping the thin letter she had just received. Petunia had always been a blunt person but this was malicious even by her standards. She stared out over the stunning snowy grounds of Hogwarts, not truly seeing them. She ignored the sting of her wind-burnt cheeks as icy currents rocked through the window. But it wasn't due to the wind that she felt chilled to her very marrow.

The owls fidgeted and the scraping of claws on perches all around her interrupted her thoughts. Her stomach felt empty even though she had just come from lunch in the great hall. But she relished the emptiness; far too afraid of what she might feel is she thought too deeply about Petunia, about her mother. Her mother was the most amazing woman. She supported Lily's dreams of being a witch and Lily never heard her utter a word against any of Petunia's either. She was hard-working and ran a bakery at many difficult hours of the day and night before she had been diagnosed. Yet, she had always found time for her girls, driving them around and holding them close when they cried. She had a very distinct smell; it was of butter and lavender.

All of a sudden, she heard the crunch of snow under shoes and then raucous laughter. She reeled around, her lower back pressing against the hard wood to see the Marauders saunter into the Owlery. _Oh no_, she thought dejectedly. The last people she wanted to run into when she was this emotionally edgy. They were the seniors of this school year, a grade above Lily; either despised or awed upon by every other pupil in the school. Their hair was drenched and their robes were covered with snow; they had obviously been throwing it at each other. James Potter was first to notice her standing across the space. He smirked at her from under his lashes, melted snow dripping from his dark hair. Sirius Black was second to notice her; he wasn't as subtle.

"Well hello there!" called Sirius cheerfully, his voice laced with a flirtatious undercurrent.

"Black," Lily acknowledged him with and unsmiling nod. Lily was hyper-aware of the letter in her hand. She inconspicuously put it behind her back.

"My name's Sirius actually, but that's alright. You make my ghastly last name sound almost sexy."

Remus Lupin glanced at her once before deciding to wait outside with the short, plump, Peter Pettigrew. Sirius seemed to be going through the Owls, checking their legs; looking for whatever delivery he was expecting.

"I was just leaving," said Lily brusquely. She didn't know what expression her face held; she hoped it was emotionless, unreadable. She threw her long red hair over her shoulder pushed herself off the window sill, away from the wall. Looking straight ahead, she strode towards the doorway. James was leaning against the doorframe, staring at a spot on the floor in an apparent daze. Lily made to completely ignore him when, to her astonishment and sheer horror, she felt the letter plucked out of her hand. She twisted around with a growl and stared at up at James amused face. He was smirking again, dark eyes fixed on her while one hand held her open letter up.

"Potter," snarled Lily warningly. She held her hand out expectantly. This wasn't a joke, and it wasn't funny. Lily didn't want to even say the words _my mother is dying_ in her head, let alone out loud, let alone to James Potter!

"Potter, get over yourself and _give it to me_!" hissed Lily, motioning her outstretched hand and feeling like a complete moron.

"You're frightening when you're angry," grinned James. He shook his windblown hair arrogantly from his eyes. She began to over-heat in her thick coat as a hot wave of fury and humiliation coursed through her. She could feel herself flushing to the roots of her hair. In one fast motion she whipped out her wand and pointed it at James.

"Evans, as prefects of the school we have the right to take points for Dueling out of class," murmured James, his cool breath washing over her.

"You wouldn't take points from Gryffindor."

"Be that as it may," Sirius joined the argument. "We can send you to McGonagall, and personally I'd rather lose the points then face that old cat."

"What are those anyway?" asked Lily, glancing at the purple forms Sirius was fiddling with. Anything to sidetrack James. He was infuriating. In the meanwhile she inconspicuously shoved her wand back into her robe pocket. Sirius held up a thick pile of parchment.

"Invitations to my party," explained Sirius his shaggy black hair contrasted with his somewhat pale face. He strolled over to stand by James and separated a single piece of parchment from the bunch. He approached Lily and unbuttoned her front pocket, tucking the purple invite in and rebuttoning it before stepping away again, grinning. Lily looked at him coldly. Did she imagine the brief look of irritation which flickered across James' eyes when Sirius had touched her robe?

"It's in Hogsmeade tonight, to celebrate the opening of a new bar," continued Sirius. "Consider you and your loser sixth year friends invited."

"I'd rather serve a detention than come to your party," snapped Lily. She turned back to James, green eyes blazing. "Now hand it back, we've all got afternoon classes to attend you insensitive little prat."

"Merlin Evans, chill out! What, is it from your mommy?" teased Sirius before James could reply.

Lily felt abruptly cold. Her slow breaths became shaky through her dry lips. Sirius seemed to be too preoccupied with the thick wad of paper he was holding to notice the sickly pallor which began to creep over Lily's cheeks at his last word. James, however, did seem to notice. His brow furrowed as he brought the letter to eye level, looking at it with genuine curiosity this time.

Lily's small hand shot out and grabbed desperately for the paper. James was taken by surprise but was still too fast, holding the letter up. Lily groaned in pure exasperation and found herself grabbing the front of his robe in an attempt to boost herself higher. Lily felt her vision go blurry with anger-induced tears. Sirius looked on at the wrestling match with a grin plastered across his handsome face.

It wasn't really James which was making Lily upset. It was the fact that she was too ashamed to let anybody know what a coward she had been. That in coming to Hogwarts, she felt a sickening sense of relief that she could pretend her mother wasn't ill and her father hadn't run out on them. It was her guilt-ridden escape from reality. James looked down at her and his smirk vanished when he saw the tears building up in her eyes. His face was, for once, astonished.

"Just – _give me my letter_ James," said Lily quietly through clenched teeth, looking away from his searching gaze. She suddenly sounded exhausted. The sound of people laughing in the grounds below them felt like sounds from another world. Reluctantly, James handed her the letter. She seized it roughly and pushed herself off his chest, stalking off angrily before any of the Marauders saw her wipe her un-spilt tears with the back of her sleeve.


	2. Chapter 2: Confused

Previously..

_"Just –_ _give me my letter_ _James," said Lily quietly through clenched teeth, looking away from his searching gaze. She suddenly sounded exhausted. The sound of people laughing in the grounds below them felt like sounds from another world. Reluctantly, James handed her the letter. She seized it roughly and pushed herself off his chest, stalking off angrily before any of the Marauders saw her wipe her un-spilt tears with the back of her sleeve._

* * *

The Marauders stared after her, stunned. She strode powerfully past Remus and Peter outside before bulldozing through the snow-covered grounds and back to the main entrance hall. Her mane of long red hair swirled about her face as the wind picked up again. Sirius turned to look at James who was already staring at him, his expression mirroring Sirius's astonishment.

"Did that just happen?" asked James uncertainly, running a hand through his wet hair and tousling it.

"That chick is mental."

"Oh come on Padfoot, she's usually crabby I will admit but that was…" James paused, struggling to find the correct word, "…bizarre."

"Prongs," cautioned Sirius, walking over to the door and out into the snow. James followed him, waiting for him to finish.

"What?" demanded James, matching his stride to Sirius. Remus and Peter followed them towards the castle, trailing behind.

"Mate, I saw that look on your face the first time she told you to jump in the lake and I see it now," sighed Sirius, not looking at James as they walked. James hung on his every word; it was very rare that Sirius discussed anything seriously that didn't involve Quidditch or Slytherins. "Don't let yourself fancy Evan's, Prongs, she isn't bad looking I'll admit but she's smart. Dating a woman that smarter than us comes with problems."

"Doesn't that cancel out most of the female population?" muttered Remus from behind them. Sirius shot him a wolfish grin before turning, serious-faced back to James. They had passed the vegetable patch and were well away from the forbidden forest now, the entrance hall's mighty doors approaching.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," James lied smoothly. "Besides Sirius, amazingly this isn't about me, it's about her, and did you _see_ the look on her face?" he added.

"So she's suffering from an especially bad bout of PMS – she'll be back to normal by tomorrow," smirked Sirius, flicking strands of drying dark hair from his eyes. His breath came out like smoke in the chilly air. James made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat.

Sirius frowned to himself as Peter hurriedly opened the huge doors and let the others in. Only Remus bothered to thank him, the other two preoccupied in their own thoughts. They passed through the hall in silence. Sirius didn't even bother to wave at the smiling group of fifth grade girl's smiling flirtatiously at them. He didn't like what James was getting at. _I want him to be happy,_ he mentally assured himself, but worrying about the petty problems of girls was not the way to go about it. The Marauders made their way up the grand staircase skillfully, Sirius letting out a bark of laughter despite himself when Peter missed a moving stair by an inch and had to be hauled up by Remus and James. They arrived at the portrait of the fat lady, but in front of it, a first year Ravenclaw girl stood trembling. She almost dropped the quill and parchment she was holding when she saw the four of them approach in all their tall glory. Well, except for Peter, but he always stood behind the others anyway.

"Can I have your signature James?" she breathed excitedly, her breath catching on the word 'James'. She was buck-toothed and her frizzy mouse brown hair was in pigtails. Sirius saw James mutter '_ridiculous'_ under his breath before his lips pulled up into a dazzling smile.

"Of course you can," smiled James warmly. He took the parchment and quill from her. She couldn't hold in her little gasp of delight when his fingers unintentionally brushed her hand. She watched him write a message on the paper with wide eyes, leaning in with flared nostrils in an attempt to smell him. It was to be expected of course, now that James was captain of the Quidditch team. Sirius still couldn't help himself, he started cracking up, albeit, as silently as he could. He turned away from the scene and caught eye contact with Remus, who had his fist jammed into his mouth, shaking uncontrollably in hysterics.

"We'll be in – inside, mate," choked Sirius, thumping James on the shoulder before wheezing out the password and stepping through the hole. The Fat lady didn't look one bit impressed. James grimaced after his best friend as his two others followed Sirius through the hole and closed the portrait behind them.

_See_, thought Sirius to himself when he crashed contently into an armchair. _That's the only sort of attention James should be giving girls._

Lily let out an audible breath of relief when she passed through the doors of the library. She didn't realize she'd been holding her breath in the first place. The library wasn't exactly her ultimate hang out, but in the light of her current situation, its warm quiet atmosphere couldn't be more welcoming. None of her classmates or friends should be here as afternoon classes were currently in progress. The last thing she felt like doing was forcing herself to smile and laugh beside her friends. Of course, she couldn't help but notice Severus and his Slytherin comrade Devon, browsing the potions section. Severus always skipped Divination. She hurried past Madam Pince, darting past rows upon rows of shelves until she reached the back wall of the library itself.

Against it was a comfortable looking maroon couch with a rectangular coffee table in front of it. Lily dumped her school bag onto the table and collapsed into the sofa, satisfied when she sunk right into it. She pushed her long red hair from her face and over her shoulder. Her green eyes darted around herself, staring at the shelves in front of her, weighed down by thousands of magical books. She could hear Severus behind one of them, conversing quietly with Devon. After rummaging hastily for a few seconds, she pulled out her Charms book and began to read, hoping it would somehow make her less visible. She had been in the middle of a cold war with Severus for several days now, refusing to talk to him until he apologized for pretending he didn't know her in front of his Slytherin pals.

"Hello Lily," said Severus smoothly, appearing from behind one of the shelves. His face was even more waxen than usual, his hair lank and un-groomed. Lily looked up from her book, trying to inject as much venom as she could into her facial expression.

"I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone."

"Just wondering why model student Lily Evans is skipping class."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "We both know why you're here and no, apology not accepted."

It was Severus's turn to be angry. "Perhaps my friends are right about you."

"Well I'm glad you've had an epiphany and realized I'm a muggleborn –," she spat the word, "unworthy of your time!"

"Well maybe you aren't anymore! All mudblood's appear to be the same, self-absorbed and dim!"

Lily paused for a moment, too outraged to speak.

"Fifty points from Slytherin," said an all too familiar voice. James Potter materialized from behind one of the shelves. Severus turned to look at him, surprised. "For calling her _that_. And another twenty off for your manners in general."

Severus opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish for a second. "Now scram," added James, his expression no longer amused. Severus stalked off, muttering a string of profanities under his breath.

"What are you stalking me?" asked Lily. She didn't sound as annoyed as she'd wanted to.

"I looked for you," admitted James.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" was the only thing Lily could think to say.

"No, Seventh Year students have exam leave for N.E.W.T.s at this time of the year."

"Oh" Lily couldn't think of any reply. She felt very confused at the moment. James grinned at her and maneuvered his way around the coffee table before flinging himself into the sofa.

"Shouldn't _you_ be in class?"

"Yes. I didn't feel like it." Lily was hyper-aware that his thigh was touching hers. "Listen Potter, if you had been eavesdropping long enough you would know that I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone."

"And you really mustn't know me if you think that's going to stop me." said James, his tone wasn't modest.

"You're right," stated Lily, her eyes flashing. "I don't know you."

"So why are you being especially emotional lately?" asked James. His face was amused but his eyes were serious.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," lied Lily. Why did James have to choose _now_ to start being observant? "If you're talking about what happened at the Owlery, it was simply my reaction to your deliberate attempt to push me over the edge."

"Why were you on edge in the first place?"

Lily couldn't answer. He asked exactly the wrong questions.

"Well," continued James, his expression lightening up slightly. "Sirius seems to think it's because you like me."

If Lily had been drinking, she would have choked. "_What?_"She planned a long rant of reasons why that wasn't true in her mind, but to her irritation she noticed a group of third year Hufflepuff's, hiding behind the bookshelves. They were whispering and giggling, obviously staring at James.

"There is a group of girls stalking you," muttered Lily in spite of herself. She didn't want to inflate his already large ego any further.

"I know," said James indifferently. He didn't even look away from her face. "They've been there since Snivillus left."

Lily looked away from him, not liking the way she was beginning to feel emotions other than irritation when she looked at him. She busied herself with putting her charms book back into her bag. It was still a bit early, but she decided that she was becoming more comfortable with him than was acceptable.

"I'm going to dinner," said Lily, not looking up. A firm hand enveloped her wrist.

"It's too early for that Evans; surely my company can't be boring you."

Lily wanted to hit him. _He is so arrogant!_ "Potter, let go of me before I have to resort to my wand"

James complied, releasing her wrist from his grasp. She felt tingly and hated herself for it. However, James wasn't finished just yet. He rose from the sofa the same time she did.

"Can I see your bag?"

"Why?"

"What have you got dung bombs in there? I, as a prefect have the right to inspect your bag," said James seriously. Lily let out a huff of exasperation. With an annoyed sound, she held out her bag to him.

"Good," James purred. He slung it over his shoulder. "Now I can walk you to dinner."


	3. Chapter 3: Party

Previously...

_"Can I see your bag?"_

_"Why?"_

_"What have you got dung bombs in there? I, as a prefect have the right to inspect your bag," said James seriously. Lily let out a huff of exasperation. With an annoyed sound, she held out her bag to him._

_"Good," James purred. He slung it over his shoulder. "Now I can walk you to dinner."_

* * *

The walk was a mainly silent one. Lily didn't mind in the least, she was too preoccupied to want to talk. When they reached the great hall, students were just beginning to file in.

James turned to look at her briefly before handing over her bag. She snatched it back with a scowl. "Would you like to sit with me today?" asked James.

"No, not really," said Lily as politely as she could manage. She didn't know if she was lying or not. James' smile didn't fade one bit. In fact, it widened into a grin.

"Next time then Evans," promised James confidently. Before Lily could retaliate, he walked over to the head of the table – the Marauders spot – with a little spring in his step. Lily stared after him, mouth open for a moment. Shaking her head a little, she turned to the mid-area of the table to find her best friends Chelsea and Jacinta staring at her. Their mouths were open in astoundment.

Lily couldn't get a word of explanation through before she was bombarded.

"Oh my Merlin, were you talking to _James Potter_?"

"Lily, you're the one who was always complaining when we said he was hot!"

Lily reluctantly sat herself in her designated seat – between them. "It's not how it looks; he thought I had dumgbombs in my bag!" It was partly true. The table's golden goblets and elegant Hogwarts silverware was already set up. The table was not yet weighed down by the coming feast.

"That sure didn't look like a prefect inspection to me!" accused Chelsea, her peroxide blonde bob-styled hair bounced as she shook her head. Her blue orb-like eyes were wide as they always were when she was concentrated.

"Looked like another kind of inspection," grinned Jacinta, throwing her long mane of jet black hair over her shoulder to lean on the table.

Lily shot her the most withering look she could manage. "Funny. Look, my opinion of the Marauder's hasn't changed one bit, they're still pompous jerks and they always will be!" She felt a twinge of guilt at her words. _Since when have I felt guilty bitching about them? _The house tables were almost full now, and from the staff table she heard the familiar tickling of spoon on glass. All heads turned to face Dumbledore.

"Students, please refrain from forgetting the forbidden forest is _out of bounds!_" said Dumbledore. His voice was serious but his eyes were amused, flickering over to the head of the Gryffindor table. "Tuck in!"

The tables flourished with food and drinks of all kinds. Lily stared at the delicious meal in an uninterested daze as her friends grabbed chicken legs, potatoes, gravy, soup and bread rolls. They were still talking about James but she was barely listening.

"Have you done that Herbology essay yet?" asked Lily dully, cutting Jacinta off.

Jacinta glared at her. "Lily, were you even listening? The Marauders –,"

"Are not people I want to talk about right now!"

Chelsea laughed at Lily's indignation. "Someone's defensive." A few heads turned up in surprise at the screech of a tattered looking owl, sweeping across the hall. Lily looked at it drearily – owls were only admitted into the school at this time of the evening if they were urgent. Her stomach clenched uncomfortable with nervousness as the letter plopped onto her lap and the owl disappeared through a window and into the night.

"Who's it from?" asked Jacinta through a mouthful of soup and bread rolls. The trio stared at the red inked stamp which sure enough, read: _urgent_.

"I'll be back; you guys just eat without me."

Lily hopped off the wooden bench, leaving her bag on the floor. Mostly everyone had gone back to eating and the room's noise level was high once again with chatter. She walked down the table, purposely exiting the opposite side which The Marauders sat. She power-walked through the door and into the nearest girl's bathroom. Plopping herself into the bench outside the empty showers, she turned the letter over and began to unhook the envelope seal. Her fingers were shaking. _This is ridiculous_ she thought, feeling as if she could throw up. _It could be nothing_.

She was almost giddy with anticipation when she pulled the thin letter out and stared. It was written very hurriedly – it was very short, the handwriting so messy that for a moment, she stared at it without really reading it.

_Mum's passed away._

Lily looked at it, brows furrowed in confusion. She couldn't understand the words. She re-read it six times and took a shuddering breath. Against her will, thing's were beginning to click together in her mind – like a faulty watch ticking again. She felt numb, a single tear rolling down her left cheek. She wanted to scream or beat her skull against the tiled wall. Somehow, she couldn't find any of her body parts necessary to do either. She desperately needed to escape, to become unconscious and get away from the agony threatening to escape. Tears rolled down her cheeks, one after the other, more streaming down with each blink. Her facial expression was fathomless, tears streaming from blank eyes. She stood in silence.

She still felt completely numb; it was unnerving and comforting at the same time. Somewhere in her head, she had decided to subconsciously start searching for a tissue. She ran her hand through the inside of her robe, emptying all pockets. Finally, she unbuttoned her front pocket and pulled out a purple invitation. _Sirius's party_. The thought was without sensation. Somehow, the thought of a dark room with blaring music and butterbeer attracted her. As did the thought of whatever illegal substances Sirius no doubt would bring. She could hear a small warning voice beginning to form at the back of her mind. _This isn't me. This is strange. _

She finally found her legs, edging over to the sink and stuffing the invite into her pocket. She rolled up her sleeves and turned the taps with shaky hands. Washing her face didn't awaken her or bring her to focus like it usually did. She looked up at herself, breathing heavily. Her hair was becoming less silky with lack of care, her face ashen. Her lips were dry and pallid, cracking around the edges.

Pushing herself off the sink, she strode out of the bathroom and back toward the great hall. Severus was waiting outside the closed doors, pacing. He looked up in expectation when he heard her footfalls approaching.

"Your attempts at being a decent person are pathetic Snape," said Lily acidly, when she was within a few feet of him. She surprised herself even more than Severus with her tone. It was as if he were a cockroach scuttling across her dormitory floor. "Now get the hell out of my way."

Severus looked at her as if he were looking into the eyes of a stranger. In that moment, something between them snapped and Lily didn't care. He obediently stepped out of her way, his face once again expressionless. She pushed both doors open, a hint of a smirk on her now falsely angelic face. The doors blew closed behind her, her red hair swirling up like fire. It settled down again as soon as she had left the gusty entrance area. She paced down the length of the Gryffindor table, emerald-green eyes flaring – they were trained straight ahead, ignoring calls of her name from Chelsea and Jacinta. She blew past them and stopped at the very head of the table. Four devious pairs of eyes trained themselves onto her.

"Hi," she addressed James. Her voice didn't shake despite the nervous dark energy pent up inside. She wanted to hug someone and punch the wall at the same time.

He scrutinized her, noticing the change in her demeanor. "Evans?"

"It's Lily," corrected Lily. Her heart was beating like an out of control pendulum against her chest. This was it, the leap into the unknown. A revolt against everything she thought she was. James's eyebrows shot up at her last words. She could see the other three Marauder's shooting _What the Hell?_ glances at each other. She didn't care about them in the least; her eyes were only for James. She thought everything in those few seconds of silence that she had never allowed herself to. _He looks like something from the stars. Gorgeous. There is kindness and an intelligence that scares me behind those stunning dark eyes. _The emotion she felt for James was the only one strong enough to over-ride the grief threatening to escape. "I just came to tell you that my friends and I will be coming to that party tonight."

"Oh," said James. One side of his mouth pulled up. It was cautious. "See you there." Lily shot her numb smile in the direction of the other three before walking – no_ strutting_ to her seat.

"What was that about –,"

"You talked to them _again_!"

Lily sat herself between the two. "We're going to a party in Hogsmeade tonight."

---

The trio was in the spacious girl's bathroom of the Gryffindor dormitory. Lily sat on the bench while Chelsea applied Jacinta's mascara.

"I still can't believe you got us invites to this party!" gushed Jacinta, looking up at the ceiling chandelier.

"Hold still," complained Chelsea.

"Can you guys just hurry up, you're going to make me late," snapped Lily. _I need to stop being left alone with my thoughts and get out of here!_ They were straying back to her family.

The threesome looked spectacular. Years of make-up and dresses for Christmas and birthday presents were finally being put to use. Lily wore a strapless silver mini-dress and black heels. Her eyes were rimmed with dark liner, clashing with the green. Yesterday, she wouldn't have in a million years stepped out in this outfit. _That's why I'm wearing it._ Jacinta wore an elegant red gown. Her long black hair suited it perfectly. Chelsea injected her personally into every dress, hers being a strapless, metallic-blue bubble dress. Her cropped, peroxide blonde hair also suited her dress.

"Alright…" said Chelsea, looking down at her handy-work. "Ready."

**---**

Lily hurried down the steps of the carriage, not bothering to thank the driver. She stared up at the new Hogsmeade building in front of her, flanked by Chelsea and Jacinta.

"Wow," breathed Jacinta, staring up at the colourful dazzling lights decorating the entire front of it. It was so over-done, so _Sirius_. The wind on the snow-covered main street picked up again. Lily pulled her furry coat closer around her and walked towards the club silently, not listening to Jacinta and Chelsea's quiet conversation behind her. No doubt remarking again on her sudden change in character. Lily could tell they'd noticed something was up, but didn't complain in the light of Lily scoring them tickets to a seventh grade party.

She opened the large wooden entrance door and was greeted by a huge dark room with bright, colourful disco lights swirling around the walls. The dance music was loud, and there were almost a hundred seventh grader's partying. A bar stood at the far end of the room. The trio edged into the room, and hung their coats up on the rack near the doors, revealing their striking dresses.

"I'll catch you guy's later," muttered Lily, eyes fixed on the alcohol she could see across the room. She could hear Jacinta and Chelsea's brief protests before she slipped into the crowd and melted into the atmosphere. She could spot a few familiar faces, including the Head Boy, a Ravenclaw, going at it with his girlfriend in the corner. _Tut Tut_ thought Lily.

Hands brushed her several times, intoxicated bodies slamming into her, followed by profuse, amused apologies. She finally reached the bar and sat at one of the stools. She glanced to her right and her eyes widened in shock as she recognized the Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team sculling a butterbeer. He noticed.

"Like what you see?" he drawled, licking the beer from his lips and setting the glass down.

Lily kept her face composed, barely. "No. I was just surprised Sirius would invite a Slytherin to his party."

"I wasn't invited," he said matter-of-factly. He was brawny and had big lips and small eyes. "But Black's not sober enough to tell a Slytherin from a Flobberworm at the moment." He glanced towards the dance floor. Lily followed his line of sight and almost laughed. Sirius looked as if he was having a seizure with the speed at which he was dancing. He was surrounded by girls, Lily thought him too predictable. The boy she wanted, was nowhere in sight. It scared her, the way he was becoming her little addictive ball of sunlight – like morphine.

Lily felt a large sweaty hand place itself on her upper-thigh. She froze in shock. The hand began to move further up. She jumped off her stool and shot the Slytherin a look of pure disgust. With a huff, she moved two seats down to the left and sat next to a girl, her head pressed onto the bar, cushioned by her arms. Lily couldn't believe it, but on closer inspection, sure enough, the girl was sleeping. Or more likely, passed out.

"I'll have glass of the strongest stuff in here," said Lily to the barkeeper. She was an old witch, wrinkled and stern looking. She pulled a squeaky clean glass up from under the counter and poured Lily a glass of orangey-red liquid. It swirled like fire. Lily had never drunk alcohol before. She grabbed the sweating cup of cool liquid and took a large gulp.

"Oh!" gasped Lily. The trail from her mouth to her stomach felt as if it were burning. Her eyes watered from the sensation. This was perfect. In another three huge swallows, she finished the glass.

"Another glass please," said Lily, pushing her glass forward. The old woman complied. "Go easy kid," she muttered in a heavy Russian accent as she pushed the glass back. "I can tell you aren't vair tolerant."

"Why?" asked Lily, clutching the glass. She felt like imploding.

"Your eyes is already feverish and you only had vun glass."

Lily ignored her, downing the second and fighting for a moment to keep it down. "I'll be back," she said the barkeeper. The old woman shrugged and left her glass on the table. "But first I need to find someone." She added, muttering to herself.

Lily was streaking through the crowd, her head flicking around, trying to see over the tall figures engulfing her. She pulled herself out of a tight spot, the room spinning when she felt a rough hand grab her waist. She whirled around and somehow, was in the circle of Sirius's arm.

"So you came," he managed to say. His words were slurred.

"Yes," assured Lily slowly, she felt uncomfortable. He pressed her against him. "Um, have you seen your friends?"

"Haven't seen James," winked Sirius, his eyes were flickering like a dark fire. His hair was matted with sweat. _Damn him, even drunk he's a smartass_. "You look very nice tonight Evans."

Girls bouncing around them shot Lily quizzical looks – most of them had no idea who she was. She grabbed Sirius's arm with her hands and pulled it from around her, giving it back to him and patting it in place. He just grinned, turning back to his 'friends' and resembling a crazy person again.

Lily made her way to the edge of the room, searching for a wall, any wall. She was starting to feel over-whelmed and lightheaded. Finally, she squeezed her way between two lanky boys and leaned against the bricks, welcoming their cool, hard surface. With a jolt, she heard his voice. Revolving quickly, she searched, her eyes darting around and squinting when the green disco lights scanned past her. Finally, she spotted him in the corner with…Chelsea.

Her metallic-blue bubble-styled dress was too easily recognizable. Lily stared at them, feeling a different kind of hurt beginning to enter her chest. She edged closer, protected from sight by the darkness and bodies. He looked incredible in a black suit. _Damn_, she thought briefly, before trying to focus on what they were saying. Chelsea was leaning against the wall, her eyes dazed over in bliss, staring at his arms instead of listening to what he was saying. His hands were pressed onto the wall, on either side of her head – trapping her there.

"Chelsea?" he asked, trying to get her attention. Lily caught the undercurrent of annoyance in his tone, though she doubted Chelsea did.

"Yes James?" replied Chelsea. She looked very happy that he had said _her_ name.

"So – Lily," continued James, he spoke more quickly now. "You're sure she hasn't said anything to you about any…problems or –,"

"Lily?" asked Chelsea. Her lips pouted, upset that he wasn't saying _her_ name anymore.

"Yes Lily," said James. Irritation was evident in his voice now. "You know? Your friend? Fairly tall, red-haired girl with a bad-temper?"

Chelsea nodded, not hearing him. She smiled at him and leaned in. He pushed himself off the wall and disappeared into the crowd. Lily stared after him in shock. She thought he had given up on prying. She looked at Chelsea who shrugged to herself and walked towards the bar. _She has the right idea _Lily thought, following her.

"So," muttered Lily. She sat herself into the stool beside Chelsea. "Having a good night?"

"Oh lily!" giggled Chelsea, "Thank you so much for getting us here!" she gave Lily a side-wards hug.

"Now," said Lily to the old woman again. "Can I get another glass of that fire-whisky over here please?"

Chelsea looked at her wide-eyed. "You've been drinking?"

"'Course I have," hiccupped Lily, nodding at the annoyed barkeeper and taking a mouthful of the burning liquid in. Just then, Jacinta skipped through the crowd and sat herself down on Lily's other side. She threw her long black hair back and grinned. About to say something, she paused when she noticed the Fire whisky. Chelsea and Jacinta exchanged a long, meaningful look.

"Lily," began Jacinta seriously.

"What's going on with you?" asked Chelsea, her blonde bob bouncing.

"Nothing!" choked Lily through another burning mouthful. "Why do you two always have to be so damn pessimistic, just let me have fun!"

Jacinta shook her head at her. "I –,"

"If it wasn't for me," continued Lily. "Neither one of you would ever be admitted into a party like this anyway." She felt empowered and ignored the slight twinge of _wrong_ she felt near her heart. Jacinta shook her head at Lily and walked off. Chelsea wasn't done yet.

"If this is about James," she began.

"Speaking of which, I saw you talking to him," said Lily, her voice slurring a little at the end. _Why haven't I done this before? Its amazing. _"You can have him. Just like when you stole Jackson off Alice last year." She didn't even know what she was saying anymore. She vaguely registered Chelsea returning to the dance floor.

"More please?" said Lily, pushing her glass forward.

"No, kid. Go home."

"Don't have one anymore," muttered Lily angrily under her breath. She hopped off the stool and pushed her way through the crowd, searching for the big, wooden entrance door. The lights were dizzying, yellow and red now flashing across the mad faces surrounding her. The Slytherin guy was back, completely smashed. He grinned wildly at her. A wave of putrid breath washed over her. Lily pushed frantically through the crowd, finally spotting the door. She was within metres of it when the wasted Slytherin seized her wrist and yanked her backwards. She fell, hitting the floor hard.

Getting up quickly, she turned around to push him off when a dark figure shot out from the side and propelled the Slytherin into the wall. James turned to look at her, his expression fathomless. He approached her quickly, placing a hand on each of her shoulders and steering her from the club. He opened the front door for her, a gust of chilly wind blowing into the room. They stepped out into the street, snow crunching beneath them. Her let go of her as soon as the door shut behind them. She was freezing. She tried to ignore it, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are you hurt?"

Lily shook her head. "Just cold."

"So am I," admitted James. "You aren't getting my coat." He added, smiling. His eyes were still … Lily couldn't put her finger on it. They were hurt? Angry? Annoyed? Confused? "Where's yours?"

"Inside," she said through clenched teeth. The street was empty and it was very dark.

"Fine," groaned James. He pulled off his black jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"I didn't ask you for your coat."

"I wasn't giving in to you; I was giving in to myself."

Lily thought about that for a few moments. She gave up, not understanding. There was a cloud surrounding her brain. Suddenly, she leaned forward, drained. She mildly registered James supporting her weight.

"Why aren't _you_ drunk?" she protested, her eyelids sagged. His arms were wrapped around her waist, holding her to his side.

"I was too busy looking out for you," he complained. His voice sounded amused but she could tell he was still angry about something. "Now," he continued as Lily sighed. "Let's get you back to the dorm, _without_ waking up half the castle."

* * *

**The reason I've put three chapter's up in two nights is because I'm impatient and just wanted to get more of the story out there :)  
**

**Please review, constructive criticism is always welcome. **


	4. Chapter 4: Almost

Previously...

"_Now," he continued as Lily sighed. "Let's get you back to the dorm, _without_ waking up half the castle."_

* * *

The carriage ride was bumpy but Lily slept like a log the whole way.

"Evans wake up, we're here," came James cautious voice. Lily's green eyes flew open, her pupils dilating rapidly in the gentle glow emanating off the Hogwarts castle before them. Lily yawned widely, stretching her arms out and then giving off a content little sigh. She caught James watching her and glanced in his direction. He looked away, opening the door with a click and stepping out into the snow. Lily slid across the dragon-hide seat and followed him out into the night. She ignored his attempt to help her down. She jumped and landed unsteadily, almost falling into the snow. James snickered quietly. She glared over at him.

"I'm only clumsy now because been drinking," she defended herself. He raised one eyebrow at her as the carriage drove away.

"Come on," muttered James, turning and walking towards the huge oak doors. Lily pulled James's black jacket closer around her and matched her stride to his. Lily wanted to give him his jacket back; she could see his hairless, tanned arms covered with goose bumps. But he didn't shiver, nor did he do or say anything really apart from stride purposefully towards the doors, his dark eyes fixed ahead.

"You're lucky tomorrow's a Saturday," he finally smirked. She looked at him quizzically. "What with the hangover you're going to have."

Lily scowled. "I'm not _that_ drunk."

"You're drunk enough."

"You know, that was my favourite coat," grumbled Lily, thinking of her furry fleece, left at the club's cloak hooks.

"I'll pick it up for you tomorrow morning then," James laughed.

They reached the doors, James placing one hand onto the handles before turning to look at her seriously.

"We need to be quiet," he said slowly, as if he were talking to a three-year old. Lily stuck her tongue out at him, earning herself a wolfish grin in return. He pushed the door open, wincing when it creaked. She hurried in before him, her eyes widening in shock when he closed the door and they were plunged into complete blackness. She felt a cool hand seize hers and haul her into the darkness.

"It's so dark – how do you know where we're going?" whispered Lily, feeling a blissful bubble swell up near her chest at his touch. She couldn't quite keep the unease from her voice. She needed to hear James speak and break the eerie silence.

"Years of experience," He let out a ghostly chuckle from beside her. "Scared Evans?" he squeezed her hand gently as he said this. His hand was an anchor in her mind, keeping her steady. The faint feeling had returned to her head, nausea rolled over her senses.

"Just not used to it," she replied quietly. She could just make out outlines of the corridor they were now walking through.

"There are torch brackets when we reach the grand staircase. _Lumos_!"

"Are you crazy?" muttered Lily anxiously, squinting at the light which flared off the tip of James wand. He let go of her hand and pulled a piece of parchment from his pants pocket.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

"What?!"

"Evans it's a map, there isn't anyone around," James assured her. "No humans, anyway." He shoved the map back into his pocket and grasped her hand again, pulling her forward and into the torch-lit grand staircase. Suddenly, one of Lily's shaky knees gave way; she tumbled forward, cushioning her fall somewhat with her outstretched hands.

"What the–? Evans! Lily, are you alright?" demanded James. He rolled her over to find her laughing hysterically.

"Yes," she managed to wheeze out, clutching her stomach and feeling tears spring to her eyes. James lips were twitching but he seemed determined not to laugh at her while she was in this state. He held out his hand and she gladly took it, heaving herself up and fighting to control her spasms of giggles.

"_Nox_!" muttered James, shaking his head at her and looking away. The blazing light disappeared; he shoved the wand into his back pocket.

They climbed the staircase with some difficulty, Lily refusing to jump certain gaps to James high amusement. She felt high on his every glance, every touch. They ambled down the last corridor before finally reaching the Fat Lady. The woman looked at them in disapproval.

"Lions tail," declared James.

"Correct," muttered the Fat Lady reluctantly. She glared once at his face and then his shiny prefect badge before heaving out a sigh and swinging forward. Lily bit back a snicker as she followed him through the portrait hole.

The dormitory's torches were all out, the cozy room lit dully by the flickering remains of the small fire. James stood at the base of the girl's stairway.

"Night," he said casually, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. Lily stared, dazed, at him for a moment. His face in the glow of the fire resembled that of a mythological god. _How much _have_ I drank? _She thought jadedly.

"Lily?" asked James uncertainly. Lily shrugged his jacket off her shoulders and threw it onto the comfy maroon couch.

"I'm not tired." She lied, approaching him. James rolled his eyes at her.

"It's –," he checked his watch "–almost two in the morning, of course you're tired." He ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly.

"No," grinned Lily. "I'm not." He raised one eyebrow, looking down at her. In one movement, she snatched the map out of his front pocket.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," she promised, copying his earlier words and walking over to the couch.

"Lily what're you – ?"

"Wow how does this thing work?" she said to herself, unfolding the parchment. She heard James footfalls, following her wearily across the common-room.

"It's even got our names on it," she mused, pointing. "Hey, how come McGonagall's the only dot moving?"

"_What_?"

James was there within the second, snatching the parchment from her hands.

"How…?" he breathed. "She's coming down the corridor, get upstairs _now_!"

Lily recoiled from the urgency in his tone. Her heart thumped, thinking that in these short moments she'll spoil the long-cherished Hogwarts tradition of illegal Hogsmeade student parties. She sprinted up the stairs two at a time, grabbing the door to her room and attempting to wrench it open. It didn't budge.

"James, it's locked!" she hissed down at him.

"Use your wand!"

"I left it inside!" she realized with horror. _How could I be so stupid?_ She'd never, _never_ left her wand in the dormitory when she went out. James growled in frustration, attempting to leap up the stairs. They magically transformed into a slide as he knew they would. He landed cat-like, back onto the floor in a crouch. Straightening up, he motioned for her to come back down. Lily bounded down the stairs.

"Lion's tail," said a stern, woman's voice from outside. James grabbed her roughly by the arm and propelled her up the boy's staircase. Lily tripped and felt James catch her, carrying her up the rest of the way.

She heard the portrait swing forward as James whispered "_Alohamora!"_ into the door to the left of the main one. She noticed the prefect's sign painted onto its front before James wrenched it open and set her down, closing the door with a click behind him.

The room was silent, except for Lily and James's deep breathing. James stood by the door, listening attentively while Lily stared at him, his face pale in the moonlight streaming through the window. Finally realizing she'd never been into a prefect's bedroom, she looked around herself. From what she could see in the minimal light, there were three beds – not four poster beds like the rest of the school – but real, fair-sized beds with embroidery crimson quilts. She guessed the other two beds were Sirius and Remus's – the other two Gryffindor prefects. It was a very messy room, with robes and books strewn across the floor and quilts.

"She's…." whispered James, his head down, eyes closed – "…gone." His voice was confident now. He looked up and moved towards Lily immediately, his face wounded.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly, hesitantly reaching out and massaging her arm. Lily didn't notice until now that it was aching dully. "I didn't mean to treat you that way; I've never been so rude to a girl, its just – you don't understand, the amount of trouble you,_ we_ would be in –,"

Lily pulled her arm out of his hands, to wrap hers around his neck. She stared up at his surprised eyes, her chest heaving with her labored nervous breaths. After another moment's hesitation, his mouth came down hard on hers, arms coiling around her waist and arching her back as he pulled her against him. He was kissing her with an urgency close to violence but Lily opened her mouth willingly against his. Her body still bowed against his, her hands delved into his untidy hair, grabbing fistfuls of it and dragging him closer. She could feel indecision radiating off him in hot waves. Lily let go of his hair with one hand to grab his belt buckle.

Suddenly James's lips were unyielding, stiff. His arms came from around her waist to gently pry her hands from him. Their eyes fluttered open simultaneously when James pulled back.

"I can't do this now, not tonight," his voice was conflicted and hoarse. "It would be like I'm taking advantage of you –,"

"I know what I want, drunk or not!"

"Lily," he smiled down at her, his grip on her wrists was resilient. "This isn't you."

Lily stared up at him, his face breathtaking. "But – you don't even know me."

"I thought I did."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She looked away, staring at the moon through the open window.

"Well in all honesty you're someone who wouldn't behave the way you have all of yesterday."

"How would you know," snarled Lily. James released one of her wrists, using his fingertips to gently grasp her chin and turn it towards him.

"Lily," he breathed. Against her will, their eyes were linked again – green on dark brown. She didn't like the look in his. It was enthralling, drawing her in. "Tell me."

Lily didn't need an explanation to know what he meant. She stared into his eyes and saw everything she wanted to see there; trust, loyalty…love. But she didn't want the memory of tonight to be tainted with gloomy talk.

"I'm tired," said Lily in a monotone. James groaned.

"You're annoying," he realized. She burst into quiet laughter. He smiled in spite of himself.

Lily yawned and looked around herself. "Well this could be awkward," she commented. James smirked.

"You can sleep in my bed; I'll sleep in Sirius's. It better not smell," he added to himself in an undertone. James strode over to the middle bed and sat on the foot of it, taking off his shoes and socks. Lily edged over to the bed next to Sirius's and unstrapped her heels.

"Lucky I'm in a comfortable dress," she slid under the covers, turning to her side comfortably and watching him. He kicked the shoes and socks across the room and pulled his fitted black shirt over his head. Lily tried unsuccessfully to be subtle about staring. He ruffled his hair up before throwing his shirt over with the shoes. Lily cursed under her breath as her eyes widened at his toned torso. He glanced over at her, grinning when she suddenly found the chandelier very interesting.

"Sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all. He climbed into Sirius's bed. "I can't stand sleeping with a shirt on."

_Surrre you can't_, Lily thought.

"You looked beautiful tonight," said James, his voice unreadable. It then became amused. "I tried not to notice."

Lily didn't speak. There were a few more moments of comfortable silence.

"So, why are you suddenly so interested in my personal life?" asked Lily, speaking to the ceiling with her eyes closed. She didn't want to go sleep; no doubt she would have nightmares. His bed had a pleasant smell to it, almost earthy – she tried to concentrate on that instead.

"Well I knew there was something wrong with you when you started actually talking to me," James joked. Lily smiled to herself.

"I know it sounds stupid," he continued. "But I don't mind you keep being weird if that means you'll treat me like this from now on. I keep thinking we'll wake up tomorrow and you won't love me anymore."

Lily's eyes flew open. She took a moment to breathe. "What makes you think I love you now?"

James yawned widely. "Most women do."

--

Lily heard herself groan before she'd even opened her eyes. She licked her lips and winced when they stung from the moisture. Her eyelids cracked open and she moaned again, forgetting where she was. Squinting in response to the sun streaming through the open window, she glanced around the prefect's bedroom to find it empty. Her head was spiraling.

_I feel terrible_, she thought, confused. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, remembering she had last-nights make up on when then back of her hand came down covered in eyeliner. Lily looked around herself, still squinting, for the time. She did a double take on when she saw James's alarm clock read two o'clock in the afternoon. She turned and seized the small metal clock, checking to make sure the second hand was, indeed ticking.

_Holy crow, two o'clock? _She tried to remember everything that happened last night. The party, the drinking, James…the kiss. It was a little fuzzy around the edges.

Lily then remembered that her mother was dead. It hit her like the Hogwarts express, right in the chest. She started to realize she might just need to stop running and face her grief head on. _Well not hung over I won't_. She threw the quilt off her legs and hurriedly strapped her shoes on. The wind from the open window was already giving her goose bumps. She stood up, a little unbalanced and turned to check she hadn't left anything in the room.

She wondered where James was, missing his presence already. Her hand froze on the doorknob. The coat she'd left at the club was hanging on the bedroom door's bronze hook. She plucked it off hesitantly. Her stomach dropped when she realized she'd left the letters from Petunia in the front pocket. She undid all the buttons and searched every nook and cranny of the coat to find nothing. With a growing feeling of unease, she exited the prefect's dormitory, allowing herself one wistful look over her shoulder at its innards.

Hurrying down the steps, she wasn't surprised to find the dormitory empty – it was a beautiful, snowy, Saturday afternoon. She knew the door to the girl's dormitory would not be locked this time – it wasn't after hours. She closed it behind her and jogged over to her bed, heels clanging against the wooden floorboards. She pulled her blanket backwards, checking under the pillow while she was at it. She wrenched open all the drawers to her bedside table, even checking the pockets to her school uniform.

In the back of her mind she knew they wouldn't be in the dormitory – she had definantly left them in her coat pocket. _Then where are they?_ She asked herself in frustration. Then, it hit her like a punch to the gut. _James_.

* * *

**Sigh, James.  
**


	5. Chapter 5: Welfare

_In the back of her mind she knew they wouldn't be in the dormitory – she had definantly left them in her coat pocket. Then where are they? She asked herself in frustration. Then, it hit her like a punch to the gut. James._

_--------------------------------  
_

She felt vaguely like Lily Evans again. Her teeth were brushed, her face was free of make-up and lo and behold, she was wearing her school robes. The sunlight glared at her from all directions, heat radiating from the sky and bright rays reflecting off the snow. It crunched underneath her – it became annoying after a while. Her long red hair was pulled back into a high ponytail; it swung methodically as she walked.

She finally wandered through the gigantic grandstands before staring around herself at the Quidditch Pitch. She spotted Sirius in uniform near the change rooms and hoped that James was one of the maroon shapes whizzing around fifty feet above her. Hesitantly, she walked over to him. Her unease at being near team's training session was not helped by the sly grin she was now receiving.

"Evans, what on earth are you doing here?" asked Sirius, strapping bulky keeper's gloves on. Lily glanced around her. The grandstands were empty apart from a large group of eager third year girls, watching with delight.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Lily wearily, turning back to Sirius, who was now checking his broom twigs for breaks.

"Certainly. But I'd still prefer to make you ask."

"_Is James here_?"

"No, he isn't attending training today. Believe me sweetheart I'm more annoyed than you are," added Sirius, his brow furrowed in concentration as he inspected his broom. Lily highly doubted he was more annoyed.

"Where is he then?"

"I saw you sleeping in his bed when I got back this morning," Sirius continued to inspect the broom, completely ignoring her question. His tone was peculiar. "He never let's _anybody_ sleep in his bed. Not Remus, not me – and I'm his best mate. Make of that what you will my friend." And with that, he mounted his broom. Lily paused. He took off like a rocket.

"Wait!" called Lily frantically. He hurtled back down to ground level, hovering a few feet away from her. Lily could tell he was able to predict her every move.

"Yes?"

"I know you know where he is."

Sirius sighed, squinting into the sky before looking back at her. "I saw him heading towards Dumbledore's office. Look kid, you didn't hear it from me." And with that he sped off into the sky.

"_Kid_?" growled Lily to herself. She turned and headed back towards the castle. "I'm one year younger than them, I'm not five!"

_Why is James in Dumbledore's office?_ She thought curiously. She felt her heart rate pick up. What if McGonagall_ had_ seen him last night after all? Was he up there being suspended this very moment? She frowned to herself, worrying. She didn't even notice Jacinta and Chelsea passing her in staircase.

"Well what do you know, she's alive after all," declared Chelsea. She was arm in arm with Jacinta whose expression was just as spiteful.

"Thank you for telling us where you went last night. Didn't even turn up to the dormitory, we were worried sick when we got back!" agreed Jacinta.

"I'm sorry," Lily said truthfully – but they had both already turned their heads and kept walking. Lily stared after them, watching as they rounded a corner and were out of sight. With a deep breath she turned determinedly back to the grand staircase and hopped onto a passing flight, levitating her up to the very first floor. The floor where Dumbledore's office resides.

A stone dragon stood, tall and eccentric, at the end of a well-lit corridor. Lily paced up to it. She had never been inside Dumbledore's office before and she certainly didn't know the password. Suddenly, the entire statue moved to the left in a rotation. The stone beast rolled its eyes at her from under its lashes before being replaced by a tightly spiraling staircase. Lily's eyes widened when she heard somebody coming down. She grit her teeth and her hands clenched into fists. _I can do this._

"James?" she called tentatively. Professor McGonagall swept down the flight elegantly, her clock billowing out behind her.

"Potter is upstairs," answered McGonagall. Lily felt herself being surveyed under round spectacles. She mumbled a thank you, blushing furiously in embarrassment and hurrying up the stairs. Feeling it revolving back into place, she could swear she heard the dragon yawn. Lily took the stairs slowly, watching where she walked. She couldn't shake the fear she felt that James was, indeed, being punished. The fact that McGonagall had just come from Dumbledore's office only supported her suspicions.

The top of the stairs lead to another door. It was grand to the extreme, its wood – smooth and shiny. The Hogwarts crest was carved delicately onto its front, the detail was intricate. Lily stopped short in her observations when she heard his voice. When she heard him say her name.

The door was already open, a sliver of light escaping the office and falling onto the floorboards beneath her feet. She edged towards the door frame praying that there weren't any creaky floorboards. Their voices were now beyond audible, they were understandable.

"…told her to come, I didn't tell her…" James was saying. Lily had never tried so hard to _listen_ before. Her ears were straining.

"The news of her mother most likely was the cause of her behavior," said Dumbledore. His voice was so calming that for a moment; Lily forgot to be outraged that they were talking about her. _How does Dumbledore, _Dumbledore_ know about my mum? James is in there…he knows…he knows._

"I'm sorry professor, but I don't feel I'm able to watch her anymore…this…student welfare program – I don't feel comfortable with it."

Lily tried very hard to process his words. Every conclusion she came to resulted in her heart breaking.

"Professor, I've told you everything I know – please don't tell her the details of my prefect duties. It would only hurt her. Peer support is something I am willing to participate in again, it's just that…I didn't quite anticipate the – the gravity of my first assignment."

Lily was crying now. She blinked away the tears to look through the crack in the door. James was sitting across from Dumbledore. Dumbledore was surveying him thoughtfully; the afternoon light pouring in from the window was glinting off his half-moon spectacles. James wasn't even looking at him; his head was in his hands. _What about that look in your eyes? _She thought hurriedly, trying to think of reasons to prove that his words were lies. _Did imagine that too? He deserves an Academy Award._

Lily looked through her tears to see the blurry shape that was Dumbledore's desk. She blinked them away again. They ran down her face, settled onto her trembling lips…dripped off her chin and onto the floorboards. Her vision cleared. On Dumbledore's desk lay her letters – open and spread.

She couldn't hold it in anymore. She dragged in a shaky breath and turned, holding her hand tightly over her mouth, from the door. The staircase jumped to life the moment she rushed onto it. All this time – he was _carrying out his duties as a prefect?_ Taking care of whoever Dumbledore thought was in need? Never had she felt so humiliated in her whole life. She mentally promised herself never to feel dependant on anybody ever again.

To her dismay, she heard him calling her name.

"Lily!" his voice was hoarse and desperate. _How the hell did he know I was there? _She hit the corridor downstairs at a swift stride, her hand still covering her mouth to muffle the ragged breaths. It was soaked with tears. _I must look terrible_ she thought dismally as a rigid hand grabbed her shoulder and turned her gently. She faced him. He stared at her looking horrified with himself. She had never felt more alone in her life.

"How much did you _hear_?" His voice broke. The sun from the corridors windows hit his eyes at an angle and they morphed into gold, capturing the light.

Lily moved her hand away from her mouth and wiped the tears onto her robe.

"Enough."

She fought to control the hysteria bubbling up, closer and closer towards her voice box. She looked down to the floor.

"Lily, it's not what it –,"

"You are _so out of line_," Her head snapped back up and her eyes were alight with fury. She was taking advantage of the momentary anger engulfing her grief. "I thought you were being a good _friend_, not a good prefect!"

Her voice rose an octave higher on her last word. He didn't seem to like something she had said. "I thought I was more than a friend."

"You aren't even that," snarled Lily. Her voice sounded slightly muffled, her nose was blocked. "Friends don't lie, they don't – they don't _steal letters_!" She had meant for it to sound strong but her last two words came out a whine. James's lips were pursed into one thin line. His cheeks were ashen.

"Lily –,"

"So what was part of your task James?" the sound of his voice angered her, spurred her on. "Was the party included? The following me around? Acting like you cared? Kissing me?"

James shook his head, his eyes were shut tight. They flew open then and Lily was almost frightened at the emotion she saw behind them.

"Lily, you should have told me your mother passed away –,"

And that was all it took. Him saying it, out loud. He, her little ball of sunlight acknowledging her mother's death. She burst into tears, her voice rupturing and her sobs growing croaky. And then James was there, all around her – tight. He was hugging her and although she wasn't angrier with anyone else in the world at that moment, she knew that if he let go, if he so much as _loosened_ his grip around her, she wouldn't be able to hold herself in one piece anymore. Her arms were squashed against his chest and tears were dripping onto his robe.

She vaguely registered that this was her delayed reaction to the news. She felt sorry for James having to be the one to witness the worst moment of her life so far. His voice was soothing – she couldn't understand what he was saying but she heard her name, dragging her up from the terrible wave of grief which engulfed her. His hands were stroking her back, her hair.

She felt dependant on them. She was breaking her promise to herself already. James had still lied to her; he'd delved into matters that were so far beyond being his business it was nothing but immoral. Her ears were ringing. She backed out of his embrace.

"I need to be alone."

James's expression flitted from hurt to suspicion. He couldn't possibly suspect her of harming herself? Lily turned away and strode down the corridor to find her path blocked by him. She was starting to hate how dramatic her life was becoming.

"Lily, I need a chance to explain myself –,"

"I just need some time to myself." It was hard to keep her voice from shaking. There was a dark glint in his eyes, an almost Sirius-side of him coming through the surface. His hair glinted in the sunshine, bits of gold showing up through the rich brown. Lily waited for him to say something before he stepped out of her way, his hand out – welcoming her to pass. She narrowed her eyes at him briefly, ignoring his perfection and taking care to knock him when she brushed by.

__

Lily had been eagerly anticipating an empty, quiet dormitory that late afternoon. What she received, instead, was Chelsea. The blonde was still angry – and immature. She turned her head childishly away from Lily when she entered the room. Lily rolled her eyes; hoping most of the redness had disappeared from her face. Chelsea didn't seem like she had any intention of leaving as Lily had hoped she would. She stayed, sitting cross-legged on the floor writing up a Potions report.

Lily wrenched the four curtains shut on her bed, lying back onto it and realizing this was one of those days when she wished for her own bedroom.

She didn't leave her bed for the most of that day. The clamor of the other girls coming in and out of the room was just background noise. She swapped her time between sleeping in short, troubled patches and reading through her classics. When night finally robbed the sky of light, she curled herself into a cocoon within her quilt. Yet no matter how tightly she wound herself, she couldn't help but notice that the lifeless quilt was nothing in comparison with James's arms around her.

She thought about the Sunday awaiting her tomorrow and what new tragedy it could possibly bring. _When will I feel happy again?_

She didn't leave the girl's dormitory that night with one exception. It was nearing midnight and she couldn't deny her dehydration any longer. Pulling one of her four-poster curtains aside, it was a relief to discover all the girl's fast asleep. Her hair felt too tight on her scalp, she pulled it loose and shook it out around her while descending the steps. Even the somewhat weak light of the dying fire was enough to make her squint. Her pupils shrunk.

The common-room was empty…until she noticed Sirius and Remus whispering away in a corner. With another panicky scan of the room she permitted herself a sigh of relief that James wasn't with his best friends tonight.

"Why so secretive?" teased Lily as casually as she could. Sirius jumped as if he'd been electrocuted and whirled around to face her. Remus didn't jump – he didn't look as if he had the energy. His tired eyes widened for a moment before sagging again.

"Evans, what –? Are you stalking me?" demanded Sirius. Lily smiled, remembering she'd used the same line on James in the library. Sirius looked very uncomfortable and stuffed a long piece of thick parchment behind his back. Lily's smile vanished when she recognized the parchment as being James unique map. Were they stealing from James?

"Don't flatter yourself." Lily's voice came out as dry as her throat felt. She padded over to the main coffee table by the fire and gratefully downed a glass of cool water. The elves always left out spares.

"James is upstairs sleeping," said Sirius.

"I wasn't going to ask!" snapped Lily irritably. "What do you think, I'm in love with him?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.

"Oh that's it I'm going back to sleep."

It was Remus's voice this time who stopped her. "What happened between you two?"

"Nothing." _Not your damn business anyway._

"He was all quiet at dinner and you weren't even there. We thought he'd be off following you, as usual."

"Nope," replied Lily. She found a certain satisfaction in the confused looks she was receiving. She thought back to that afternoon in Dumbledore's office. "I've wormed him out."

"We thought that might've been what's happened," admitted Remus apologetically.

"Whatever, the point is, you can stop your little façade. I'm fine. Happy as a ... bee – and James? He's finally given up."

Sirius and Remus exchanged another long look. This time, their faces were solemn and amused all at once. It was Sirius who spoke.

"James doesn't give up."

-------------------

**Review if you'd like please, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story so far!  
**


	6. Chapter 6: Learning to Fly

**Just a warning, there is a bit of language in this one.**

* * *

_I see you there, don't know where you come from  
Don't Appear to care that I saw you, and I want you_

_I'm breaking down and you're breathing slowly  
Say the word and I will be your man, your man, say when_

_And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight  
Say when  
And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight_

_Come across you're lost and broken  
You're coming to, but you're slow and waking  
You Start to shake, you still haven't spoken, what happened_

_and you wanna cry but there's nothing coming  
They're gonna push until you give in, say when_

_Say When – The Fray_

The arctic gusts of wind which had whipped through Hogwarts for months were absent on Monday morning. The sun warmed the castle to its very walls but the ever-present snow still blanketed the land. The fact that the bitter, monotonous winter was coming to an end wasn't enough to cheer the hundreds of students rising, bleary-eyed from their beds to face another week of classes.

The Gryffindor girl's dormitory was alive with the bustling morning routine of students. Lily moved about like a machine, narrowing her eyes at the sun, hurrying around barefoot, exchanging apologies with classmates when they collided in the corridor leading to the bathroom. Her school robes were creased; she beat them relentlessly onto a bed post until the marks improved. Chelsea and Jacinta were still ignoring her but both parties could feel the initial sting was gone. Chelsea even muttered an absent-minded apology when she tripped over Lily's school bag.

Classes were full of Monday morning temper, scolding of un-finished assignments and hasty gulps of pumpkin juice when the Professor wasn't watching.

"How can you possibly have had _no time_? You've had the whole weekend!" Professor Duritte, Lily's Charm's teacher, was surprised and livid. Saying he wasn't popular among the students was an understatement.

"I'm sorry professor, I'll hand it in first thing tomorrow morning," Lily promised rashly – not used to being told off by teachers.

Lily didn't see James all day. Apart from walking past him in the corridor between classes. He had been surrounded by the other Marauder's, chatting shortly with Professor's and select students when they strolled past. His voice was charming and his eyes were wide with what appeared to be interest as he spoke with Professor McGonagall. He didn't even look away from her, continuing to nod and reply while simultaneously high-five-ing a pretty fifth year girl walking past. Lily recognized her as one of the chasers on the Gryffindor team. There was a look of half-amusement, half-irritation on McGonagall's face. McGonagall's dialogue was mostly impatient replies and the words "Yes Potter.".

The corridor was busy and Lily had hoped she would go past un-noticed. This was an almost impossible feat with her blazing red hair. James was straightening his tie when Lily marched past. He broke off mid-sentence, his eyes un-willingly flickering over to her before blinking and continuing the conversation.

Dinner was awkward as usual. She knew she still wasn't welcome with her friends. _Girl's can be so mean _she thought, shaking her head in incredulity. She settled herself next to Clare, a kind girl who she had always liked but never really had anything in common with. Their conversation between mouthfuls was polite – they weren't very close.

She was relieved when the torches all over Hogwarts came to life and the darkness which meant the warmth and safety of her four-poster bed over-took the sky. She couldn't help but let James's face paint the back of her eyelids when she drifted off. She knew she wouldn't be able to block him from her mind and so she let the fantasies come – willingly.

---

Tuesday's weather was much the same as Monday's – improving. Today it had an effect on Lily; the sun's rays filtering in and warming her cold quilt. She felt something she hadn't felt in days: hope. She didn't know if it was the weather, or the fact that time slowly healed all wounds that a small bubble was present within. Maybe it was the animated fever sweeping through the whole school. Today's after-lunch classes were cut for the Slytherin versus Gryffindor quarter-finals Quidditch match.

The morning's classes were unbelievably slow. Most of the students were bouncing in their seats, glancing up at the time again and again or drawing emerald or scarlet banners under the desk. Lily foot tapped the floor neurotically.

Lily's stomach dropped when she was called up to give in her late Charms essay.

"Professor," said Lily nervously. She stopped a few feet away from him. "I'm really sorry, but I forgot to do it."

Professor Duritte slid his glasses to the tip of his long, oily nose and looked at her sternly. He was plump and squat but still managed to tower over Lily.

"You knew very well that essay was worth almost a third of your charms grade."

Lily blinked twice.

"You will see me tonight, in this classroom, eight pm sharp for a detention – do you understand me?"

Professor Duritte was known to hand out detentions over just about anything. The detentions themselves were rumored to be harsh. She nodded numbly and paced back to her seat.

When the lunch bell rang – it was chaos. Shouting and cheers echoed through the corridors, glowing red signs and flashing green banners were waved around in enthusiasm. Lily didn't even bother pushing her way out of the classroom with the others; she waited patiently behind and left the classroom last. From the window she could already see the school pouring out onto the grounds and towards the grandstands.

The weather was still chilly despite the sun. Lily trudged through the snow, pulling her robe tightly around her. Fake snitches whistled past her ears and first years ran, screaming with glee, past her and towards the pitch. She looked up at the sound of familiar voices. Chelsea and Jacinta were plodding along, arm in arm ahead of her. Muttering to herself, Lily jogged forward and caught up to them. They both glanced side-ways at her.

"Guys," said Lily. She kept her apologetic tone thick. Chelsea and Jacinta looked at each other. "I'm really sorry about the other night. I know I've been really crabby lately, but I'll explain tonight I promise -,"

"You don't need to explain anything," said Chelsea, looking back at her.

"Lily, we're sorry too," smiled Jacinta tentatively. Lily was starting to forget why they were fighting in the first place.

Suddenly the trio was wrapped around each other in one huge, tight hug. They reached the pitch laughing and settled onto the very top of a grandstand. Lily tried hard to not look over the edge. The view to the snow-covered grass below was dizzying.

"WELCOME BOYS AND GIRLS, TO THE QUARTER-FINALS QUIDDITCH MATCH!"

The school roared with cheering and clapping.

"TODAY'S MATCH IS BETWEEN GRYFFINDOR," – the green-clad army across the stadium hissed and booed while the grandstands surrounding Lily jumped to their feet and screamed. "AND SLYTHERIN!"

Lily couldn't help but join in cheering when the Gryffindor team marched from the change-rooms. She grinned hugely when she saw James make a rude gesture at the Slytherin team. The referee wasn't watching. Lily realized at that moment that she couldn't find it in her to be angry with him anymore.

The game was almost painfully suspenseful. They were tied at half-way; both sides of the crowd's voices were hoarse from screaming. Slytherin had the lead three-quarters in and things started to get violent. The Slytherin chasers 'accidently' all thought the quaffle flew in the other direction and smashed into Juno, the pretty fifth year Gryffindor chaser. She was unconscious when she was carted out to the boo's and hiss's of the Gryffindors.

The Slytherin captain was hovering around Lily's grandstand; he was the seeker. He was watching James, who was whipping around the pitch, hunting for the snitch. Lily inconspicuously kept her eyes averted. Unfortunately, it was her hair which once again, betrayed her.

"Hey party girl!" sneered the captain loudly from ten feet above Lily. She, Chelsea and Jacinta looked up at him in shock. _So he does remember me, despite being drunk._ His teeth were yellowing and his hair was cropped close to his scalp. His expression sent a chill through Lily's back.

"Piss off!" replied Lily loudly. His sneer vanished – it was more of a menace now.

He hovered closer, only a few feet away now.

"Why the hell are you talking to Marv Colette?" came Chelsea's anxious voice.

"Listen you little bitch," Marv muttered. He was upwind and the stench of sweat off him was almost over-powering. "If you think I've forgotten what your boyfriend did to –,"

He was in the process of pointing towards the greeny-yellow bruise across his cheekbone when a bludger came hurtling out of the sky and nearly knocked him off his broomstick. Lily's jaw dropped open and whipped her head around, staring.

"There!" cried Jacinta, jabbing her finger into the sky. Lily shielded her eyes with her hand and squinted into the light. James was smirking down at her. He handed the bat back to Sirius with a nod of appreciation and flew off, searching for the snitch again. There was a loud curse; Lily looked away from Sirius to notice the Slytherin seeker land onto the grass clutching his chest. Following her friends, she hurried over to the edge of the grandstand and watched a few staff fuss over the clearly incensed boy.

"…wonder why," scoffed a black-haired seventh year girl. Lily only caught the last words of her sentence. Their eyes seemed to be following Sirius or James. Her beady-eyed friend turned to her and nodded in agreement.

"Maybe he's just done every chick in our grade and is browsing in the junior section now."

Definantly James. Her words were like a slap to Lily's face.

The rest of the game played out in Slytherins favour. James was somehow hit by a bludger _and_ two chasers in the process of catching the snitch. Slytherin only received _one_ penalty. James held on though, falling from his broom close to the ground and smashing into the snow, the snitch struggling in his hand. Yet the points weren't enough.

Slytherin was too far in the lead, the majority of the students tramping back to the school disappointed and muttering a string of profanities under their breath.

"Let's go," muttered Chelsea dejectedly. She watched the Gryffindor team tread into the change rooms. Lily wasn't paying attention to her. She was watching Severus. He was standing alone on the snow, reading a book.

"I'll catch up with you guys at dinner," mumbled Lily. She checked her watch. It was already four o'clock.

Lily waited until her friends left before jogging down the steps of the grandstands. With every pace, the nervous energy pent up within her intensified. By the time Severus noticed her and looked up, she felt like giggling and crying all at once.

"I'm sorry Sev," said Lily quickly. "I still think some of the things you do are wrong but the way I treated you was too"

Severus wasn't one for hugs. He stood rigid and shocked when Lily threw her arms around his back and held him tightly. After a few seconds, she dropped her arms to her sides and beamed at him, pleased with her boldness.

"I'm sorry too Lily," came Severus's earnest reply. His eyes always had that hurt look when he looked at her. _Why?_ They then went on to talk about classes and Quidditch for a few minutes. Although they'd exchanged their apologies and laughed together again, something wasn't quite the same. Lily was accustomed to feeling at home around him; as if he was her brother. Yet some days, she saw a strange emotion in his eyes when they talked. Lily knew it wasn't brotherly. Other times, Lily saw a side of him she didn't know; it frightened her. His laugh was different around his fellow Slytherins, the look in his eyes murderous when trained on any of the Marauders.

Severus garbled about needing to be somewhere and they parted ways. Lily frowned at his retreating back; would they ever be the same again?

The pitch was completely empty now. With the absence of the wind, the silence was almost unsettling. She was powerless to stop herself from glancing over at the Gryffindor change-rooms. The door was open, but the doorway was empty and shadowy. She looked away, dissatisfied. After another ten feet of crunching snow-covered grass, she mechanically gazed back again. About to look away, her eyes did a double-take. James stood, casually leaning against the frame. His face was stiff – as if he was trying very hard to hold back a smirk or some other untactful emotion. He most likely thought she was still mad. It worried Lily, the relief and pleasure that surged through her upon seeing him. She stopped walking and turned to face him.

He smiled widely in encouragement. She shoved her hands deeply into her pockets and rolled her eyes before complying and approaching him. He had taken his robe off, standing out in the cold in just tracksuit pants and a thin white singlet. Her eyes widened unwillingly when they strayed over his tanned, strong arms. Lily wished she looked more threatening when she stood before him scowling…but he just gazed down at her as if she was the cutest thing in the world.

"Come inside," said James. He reached out and ran a finger down her rosy, wind-burnt cheek. "It's warmer there."

"I'd rather not share a room with seven sweaty half-naked boys." It wasn't an outright lie. James laughed quietly and shook his head, leading her in by the hand.

"The team's already gone. They're probably in the common-room drinking themselves to sleep – it was a pretty bad game."

Lily only half heard the second half of his sentence. She felt a little jolt walking through the dark hallway knowing it was only James and her left in the whole pitch. He pulled her left through the dimness and they entered a warm, brightly lit room with wide-windows. There were benches and showers – the doors and tiles were red laced with gold patterns. James closed the window, cutting off the entrance of cool air, and flung himself tiredly onto the bench next to Lily. She scrutinized his calm face. His head leaned back into the tiled wall, eyes closed. His hair was even more out of control than usual – windblown and half-soaked from his fall. There were uncharacteristic dark circles beneath his thickly lashed eyes. His lips were dry and small drops of blood had dried over a slash across his cheek. Lily reached out, unthinking, to stroke its crusty surface. James flinched, his eyes flying open.

"Sorry!" cried Lily, pulling her hand back as if she'd been burned.

"That was my opener," admitted James. He hesitantly placed a hand onto her knee. She fought the urge to shake and stared back at him. "I'm sorry – and you have to believe that. If anything I say it true; it would be that I'm so sorry."

James cast his eyes down and took a breath. After a moment's hesitation his hands came up to cup her face and Lily had never seen him look so vulnerable.

"When Dumbledore said your name I…volunteered without hesitation. It was perfect – a legitimate excuse to have to spend more time around you, getting closer to you. Dumbledore wasn't keen on me – he knows bloody _everything_ I swear! Anyway, there was no other choice after he considered the Gryffindor prefects. He was even less keen on Sirius, not seeing the need to give him _another_ reason to follow girls around. Remus – is not able to…he becomes ill often, he's got a weak immune system I guess." He was ranting.

"He does look very unwell sometimes," admitted Lily, thinking of the sickly pale which would creep through Remus's cheeks every now and then.

"I know what I did was wrong, it wasn't right for me to take advantage of the whole thing and play with you when you were so – torn up –,"

"James stop, its okay – you don't have to apologize anymore. If anything, _thank you_. You were the only thing keeping me going there for a while – whether you meant it or not…"

James's eyes lit up and his face broke into a smile. It was the most genuine smile Lily had ever seen on him, the skin around his eyes crinkled. "I _did_ mean it."

There was a long silence. It wasn't uncomfortable but Lily still felt the need to change the subject to emphasize that whole topic of conversation was over.

"You fly _so_ fast," murmured Lily. She saw James turn to check what she was looking at; his broom.

"How long since you've flown?" asked James. There was definantly amusement in his voice.

"Since compulsory flying lessons…first grade."

James looked genuinely insulted. "You don't like it?"

"No, I'm scared," admitted Lily, wrinkling her nose at the broom and looking back to his face. His expression wasn't re-assuring, it was scheming.

---

Lily wasn't very concentrated on actually learning to fly again.

"No, don't let your grip get all flimsy!" said James. Lily was hovering at ground level, staring at him in amusement. A whole new demeanor radiating authority came over him as soon as he took it in his stride to re-teach her to fly. He wrapped his warm hand around her's and pulled it off the broom handle.

"See? I shouldn't be able to do that," explained James. "Hold tighter." Lily did.

"Better," nodded James. His hand lingered for a few seconds longer then Lily thought was necessary. "And don't keep your back so straight, it's not a chair!" Lily burst into laughter at the respect he had when he talked about the broom. He smiled but continued to talk. "You want to keep low to the broom, less wind friction."

Lily tilted the broom forward and sped confidently into a circle around James before pulling the handle back and halting a few feet away from him.

"Impressive," said James. "You're a natural. Like me." The brazen, arrogant smirk was back. He sauntered over to her, hands in the pockets of his tracksuits. Lily hopped off the broom and held it vertically against her. James pulled one hand from his pocket to twirl a few strands of her red hair around his finger.

"Why are you so lovely?" asked James. Lily raised one eyebrow at him.

"Don't you dare try and charm me James Potter."

"_Charm_ you?"

"Yes. That tempting little look in your eyes doesn't work on me!"

"If that was your attempt at giving a compliment, you definantly need some practice. Why don't you start by telling me how damn attractive I am?"

"And _why_ would you think you were good looking?"

"Well I've been told enough times."

Lily huffed in exasperation and stomped back towards the change rooms. She was using the broom as a walking stick through the snow. She could hear James chuckling close behind her. _He will forever be self-absorbed!_

She set the broom down and turned to face him. He was standing in the dim hallway, leaning against the cold tiles. One look at the glower plastered across her face and he cracked up again, this time even pointing at her expression.

"Now your cheeks suit your hair!"

Lily marched past him.

She didn't scream but it was a close thing. From behind, sun-bronzed arms coiled themselves around her stomach, pulling her tightly against his body. Abruptly, his lips were at her ear. She leaned her head away, scowling only half-heartedly when his breath tickled.

"Where do you think you're going?" James whispered, barely noticing her feeble attempts to shove him off. A flock of butterflies rioted Lily's stomach when she felt his rock-hard chest pressing against her back. _Oh dear._

"I'm going back!" said Lily angrily, trying and failing to pry his fingers off her waist. "Now get off you egotistical prat!"

"Tell me," breathed James low voice, completely disregarding her request. "Have you_ always_ been in love with me or is this a recent infatuation?" She could practically feel him grinning. She was too outraged to speak. Every one of her denials died on her lips when he spun her around and kissed her in total abandonment.

Lily felt his hands move from her waist to her long hair, running his fingers through it. She felt James flinch when his back pressed against the cold, tiled wall. Lily broke off their kiss to grin briefly at him through the shadowy light of the hall. His eyes were glinting and his breathing was heavy. Tentatively, her hands hitched his singlet up so that she could run her cool palms over the hard muscles of his stomach. He was trembling at her touch. His eyes rolled back in his head when her hands travelled up past his waist and across his chest.

James groaned and looked down at her. "You will be the death of me, I _swear _–,"

He cupped her cheeks and pulled her face up for another deep kiss. Lily retracted her hands from under his singlet to place them on the tense muscles at the back of his neck. His fingers came down and in one movement, Lily gasped against James's mouth when she felt the front of her robe fall open. She suddenly felt very exposed. _Don't be ridiculous!_ She scolded herself. She was wearing a blouse and skirt for crying out loud!

He was desperate to savor these few moments of no control before she pulled away and told him it was enough like he knew she would. His palms ran over her thighs, arms, face – he couldn't seem to get enough of her smooth skin. His hand dropped from the base of her neck to cup her breast, marveling momentarily at its beauty and curve. The kiss broke off violently, both leaning back to stare at the other in surprise. There was a moment's pause – and then they simultaneously burst into laughter.

Lily covered her face with her hands, giggling hysterically. She felt the heat radiating from her cheeks and didn't want to imagine how red they were.

---

Dinner was painfully slow. Lily nodded and laughed at all the right moments, wanting to be an attentive audience for Jacinta's get-out-of-detention story. She felt guilty for having been such a lousy friend lately. Every few minutes, she would lean forward, inconspicuously reaching for the salad tongs to smile seductively down the table at James. He returned her look with a wink. They both knew they were joking but it was fun anyway.

A few students had begun to leave; it was coming to the end of the meal. Boys sat back in their chairs, sighing and rubbing bulging stomachs. Girls debated over taking seconds of that chocolate pudding, promising to pay for it with an evening run.

Lily was watching James from the corner of her eye.

"He's so agro," said Jacinta indignantly when Lily told her about the charms detention she was serving tonight.

"You'd think it was enough punishment that he failed you!" agreed Chelsea.

James rose from his seat and stepped backwards over it, slinging his school bag over his shoulder.

"Nah, it's just because it's so unlike me to skip Charms work," muttered Lily. She watched his shadow gliding down the table, closer and closer. "That's why he's being so nasty. He's trying to be harsh and teach me a lesson before I totally screw up my exams."

She listened with more effort then necessary over the chatter to hear his quiet footfalls passing close by. Jacinta and Chelsea had also quieted down, noticing who was walking past. Lily fought to keep her expression normal when she felt James brush his fingers across her back.

"Have you talked to him since the party?" asked Chelsea casually about five minutes after James had left.

"Not much," lied Lily. She didn't feel like being dishonest again but felt this wasn't the right time for a spill session. "I might go catch up with him now actually."

The corridors torch brackets were already alight. Moonlight hit the floors at a diagonal angle through the closed panes. Lily ran, full pelt, through the empty school. She sprinted, picturing James – lounging on one of the dormitories couches, waiting for her. It was invigorating, the rush she was receiving. Everybody else was at dinner, or so she thought.

"Miss Evans!"

Lily came to a skidding halt at the sound of the flabbergasted male voice. Her hair lashed through the air as she turned, panting, to recognize Professor Duritte. _Oh shit_, she thought miserably, realizing she'd forgotten her detention was now. His expression wasn't impressed.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing? Running through the school like a banshee!"

"Well Sir, technically banshees don't run…" It was a habit of Lily's which she hated. Ranting when she was nervous. She possessed no filter between her brain and her mouth. Professor Duritte's expression darkened. He stepped to the side of the doorframe and held out a sinister hand, welcoming her into his classroom.

---

The detention was nowhere near as terrible as she thought it would be. Professor Duritte informed Lily that she was to do her incomplete essay in the frame of two hours. There were two related books allowed, _Charms; Sixth Grade_ and _Charming Wizards and Witches of the 19__th__ Century_ for her to use as a reference.

Professor Duritte was in and out of the classroom all night. At one point, he merely popped his head in, expression stern, to check on her before retreating back behind his office door.

Lily licked her lips again and scratched her temple, stressed. She checked the time; it was almost ten o'clock. Time was nearly up and she wasn't completely satisfied with the average twelve inch piece of work she had come up with. _It will have to do,_ she thought resignedly when the Professor entered the room for the last time. He snatched up the parchment and tucked it into an inner robe pocket.

"Goodnight Professor."

"Not quite yet Miss Evans," smiled Duritte grimly. His grey hairline was receding and his face was starting to sag with wrinkles.

Lily stopped short and turned to wait wearily for him to continue. _I didn't think it would be that easy_. It was getting late; she was thirsty and tired.

"I'm on night patrol tonight, even though you _aren't_ a prefect, you will replace me and patrol the corridors outside the library until –," he turned the watch over his plump wrist and peered down at it "– one o'clock should do it."

"Not a problem Sir."

She groaned internally, trudging listlessly through the dimly lit school. Most of the corridors were silent, excluding the one or two times she'd walked past night-staff in conversation or on-duty prefects chatting. The rest of the school was either sleeping, playing chess in the common-room or reading by the fire. Lily avoided thoughts which included warm beds or glasses of pumpkin juice. She set her bag down on a stool outside the library and strolled up and down the dark corridor, back and forth, back and forth.

It was an unsettling task. A few times, she could swear she'd heard footsteps or whispering and whipped her wand out, trembling. _The prefects don't get enough credit_, she thought, shoving her wand back into her robe after yet another scare. As much as she tried not to, it was impossible for her not to keep checking her watch. The minutes dragged by impossibly slowly. By midnight, she'd given up pacing to sit by her bag, arms crossed. Her toes stretched within her shoes, feet aching.

She cheated and left at half past midnight, no longer able to bear the monotony. _How would he find out?_ She contemplated drowsily. The torch brackets lining the halls seemed blindingly bright after the shadowy corridor she'd spent her detention in. Her eyelids were so narrowed over her green eyes; she didn't even notice the tall dark shape ahead of her until she'd walked right into it.

"Whoa, sorry!" she said hastily, looking up and stepping back. It was Marv Colette, the Slytherin seeker.

"You will be."

He was taller then she remembered, towering almost a foot over her. But then they had been _sitting_ at that bar. Lily took another step back, becoming alert when she'd registered his last words. His face was set in an unintelligent leer.

"Uhh…okay," mumbled Lily nervously, wishing she could say something witty instead. She tried to side-step him; he stepped left and blocked her.

"What are you doing out at this time of the night?" snapped Lily, trying to distract him. His eyes were eager. "I mean, there's no way you can be a prefect."

"Shut _up_," he growled. Lily recoiled when she smelt alcohol wafting off his breath. His expression was angry now. She shuffled her feet fearfully.

"I saw you having a little giggle with your friends when your bastard boyfriend took a cheap shot at me."

"Well," mumbled Lily, terrified. She side-stepped him and walked past. "It was pretty funny." There with the ranting _again!_

She let out a horrified little squeak of surprise when she felt his hand grab her by the arm and wrench her back towards him.

"_Funny_, was it?" his rancid breath was next to her ear. She thought of how James had whispered into her ear this afternoon, how he'd smelt like grass and cotton. She longed desperately for him now.

She struggled in his painful grip on her arm. It only tightened, until she was gnashing her teeth in pain. Instinctively, she punched him, her knuckles connecting with his prickly, unshaved cheek. It was nowhere near enough to knock him out, but it did the job. His hand dropped from her arm to grip his cheek in shock. He took a step back, and Lily ran.

She didn't get far. A rough hand dragged her back by her robe. She turned and pushed desperately against his chest.

"Let – go – of – me!" she demanded between shoves. She was so busy struggling, she didn't notice his arm before it was too late. He backhanded her across the face with all his force. She let out a surprised gasp and staggered backwards, completely off balance. Her back hit the wall and her breath came out with a _whoosh!_ from the impact.

She blinked several times in shock. Her small hands came up to clutch her stinging face.

"Don't dish it out if you can't take it!" sneered the Slytherin. He plodded up to her and bent down so that their faces were level. One of his hands came up to caress her hair. "I've wanted to do this to James Potter for a _long_ time…"

Lily started screaming before she'd realized what he was doing. She landed back into reality with a jolt, her head still throbbing.

"Stop! _stop_!" – Her robe was ripped open – "No, get – off – me!" He was suffocating her; she pushed against the wall with all her might to no avail.

Suddenly, the intense pressure disappeared. Lily almost staggered forward from the sudden release of weight. Her eyes widened, taking in the scene before her. Sirius had wrenched him off her and was pummeling him; he was completely beside himself with fury.

"Fucking –!" – Sirius's fist stretched back and bulleted forward to land the final blow to the Slytherins face. "– asshole!" The seeker sprawled backwards and landed onto his back, unconscious. Sirius turned to face Lily. She tried not to flinch; she'd never seen his striking face quite so enraged.

"Are you alright?" he panted, striding over to Lily and looking at her robe anxiously.

"You could have just jinxed him," said Lily numbly, staring at Sirius's bloody fists. He laughed shakily.

"I prefer the old fashioned way of doing things."

Lily managed a weak smile. He slung an arm around her and pulled her forward.

"Let's get you back to the dormitory."

Lily allowed him to lead her the rest of the way and through the portrait hole. The common-room was almost completely abandoned. James, Remus and Peter were sitting in the corner playing chess while two third year girls chatted quietly by the fire.

Sirius released Lily when James turned to look at them. Sirius seemed to be worried about James's reaction. He was there in barely a second, staring at Lily's ashen face. His dark eyes drifted down to where her hands clutched her torn robe protectively around her.

"Who?" James's voice was flat and frightening. His question, which sounded more like a statement, was directed at Sirius.

"Marv Colette," came Sirius's grim reply. It was uncommon of Sirius to be uneasy.

James's expression darkened. "I'm going to fucking murder him."

* * *

**Sorry if you didn't like the abuse bit included but when shit happens it tends to snow-ball if you know what I mean.  
There has to be some consequences of getting involved with someone as famous/infamous as James!  
**


	7. Chapter 7: Proud

**A/N: I'm sorry, I know I said the dark times are behind us but _I_ can't help what trouble the characters get into!  
**

* * *

_My mother is standing right there._

"_I wasn't there for you." I want to shout. I glance at Petunia. "I wasn't there for you either." Petunia overlooks me. My voice is broken, my heart is getting there. _

_My mum is wearing her favourite yellow short-sleeved t-shirt with a picture of a smiling bee across the front. Her chest-nut coloured hair is cropped to her ears._

_The side of my mum's mouth pulls up at me, her eyes kind and proud. Suddenly, they roll upwards into her head and she falls rigidly backwards. Her green eyes glaze over on impact, unseeing and inert. Petunia is now on my side of the barrier, also unable to reach our mother who lay, dead, on the floor._

"_Not even a goodbye?" Petunia hisses into my ear._

_The room is abruptly fills with blaring noise. A deafening, rushing sound blasts through my ears. My stomach drops because I'm falling._

Lily sat up in bed as her eyes flew open simultaneously. She was panting and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. It took her a moment to realize her alarm was going off. Her hand came down in one violent motion and hit the alarm off so hard the clock toppled off the bedside table.

"Lily, what in Merlin –?"

Jacinta sat up, rubbing her eyes and scowling when the clock banged noisily across the floorboards. Her tresses of long, black hair were flattened at the back from sleep.

Lily wasn't paying attention to her, she was still breathing heavily from the nightmare. She struggled to differentiate her dreams from reality, thinking back to the last night and early morning of that day's events.

_James's expression darkened. "I'm going to fucking murder him."_

_He strode forward, attempting to shove past Sirius. Both Remus and Sirius were on him in two seconds, wrestling him back into a chair. Lily looked on in anxiety, wondering whether her involvement would improve or worsen the situation. Peter still hadn't moved from his seat next to the chess table – he stared at the situation with darting, panicky little eyes._

"_Don't be –," Sirius let out a breath when James finally relented and collapsed onto the chair to listen. "– a git!" _

_James glanced over at Lily and his jaw clenched. His cheeks were shaded with anger-induced tinge._

"_James, surely you aren't stupid enough to not realize that you getting revenge is what Marv wants?" said Lupin, panting. _

"_I'll gladly give it to him."_

"_You need to go to Dumbledore."_

_James stared up at Remus incredulously. He released his tense hold on the chair. _

"_You've got to be kidding."_

"_Why not?"_

"_We can take care of them ourselves! We don't need Dumbledore!"_

_Remus flicked his sandy brown hair from his eyes and grabbed James by the scruff of his robe, forcing him to listen. He ignored the growl of irritation he received._

"_James, you never listen to authority. That needs to change. The war between the Marauder's and Marv Colette's group has been on since second grade and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. But this is different. Look at her!" James's shadowy eyes flickered over to Lily in spite of himself. "You can't involve her in this. They crossed a line. He hurt her – you need to, for once, do the right thing and _tell_ Dumbledore."_

"_The hell I do," snarled James._

"_Listen to Moony you bloody wanker!" complained Sirius._

"_Sirius got there in time," croaked Lily, her voice hoarse from screaming. She was worried James thought Marv had done the deed. James raised one eyebrow scathingly, still looking up at Remus from under his lashes._

"_And if he hadn't?" replied James through clenched teeth. Lily didn't know what to say. _

"_When are you going to understand that this isn't a game? Those Slytherins can be, and are, dangerous! They proved that tonight!" Remus was frustrated with James's stubbornness. _

_James's eyes flashed, welcoming the challenge. "Dangerous." He repeated. "Really now."_

_There was a short pause before James grabbed Remus's wrists and wrenched them off the front of his robe. He rose from the chair in one motion. _

_He turned and stalked away, gliding agilely up the stairs to his room. Lily could tell by the tense muscles of his neck that he was trying, with every inch of his body, to control himself._

Lily blinked twice – three – four times in a daze. She tried to recall the day…it was a …Wednesday. How could so much have happened since last Friday?

"Lily?" repeated Jacinta impatiently, her tone sharp. Chelsea stirred restlessly; sitting up on her bed on Lily's other side. Lily realized Jacinta had repeated her name at least three times.

"Sorry, what?"

"Where did you go last night? Were you 'catching up' with James the whole time?!"

If she hadn't been dead tired, Lily would have laughed. "No, the detention remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

They both got out of bed. Jacinta looked at her properly for the first time and blanched.

"Oh my_ god_, Lily? What happened to your face?"

"Huh?" Lily poked her cheek and winced. She'd forgotten how hard Marv had beaten her. "Oh yeah…I fell over in detention."

Jacinta narrowed her eyes at her.

---

Lily strode purposefully to breakfast. Her robes were mended, good as new – unfortunately she couldn't fix the dark bruise running along her left temple and cheek. She had come to the conclusion that she_ really_ didn't want James to do something brainless on her behalf. Now all she had to do was find him and tell him that. Whether it would help or not was a different story.

With a deep breath to calm her suspense, she approached the double doors to the great hall, flanked by Chelsea and Jacinta.

"Miss Evans!"

Lily refrained from rolling her eyes at the sound of her head teacher.

"Yes Professor McGonagall?" said Lily politely, turning to face her.

"You girl's carry on," said McGonagall, fluttering her hand as if she were shooing a pixie.

Jacinta and Chelsea continued through the doors, Chelsea casting one last curious look over her shoulder before she was out of sight.

"Miss Evans, let's proceed to my office."

---

"Take a seat dear," said McGonagall, waving at the comfortable-looking chair facing her desk. Lily swallowed in apprehension and sat across from her. McGonagall took a long sip of what smelt like herbal tea before setting it down and looking up at Lily. She was wearing a cerulean, intricately patterned robe with a high collar.

"How are you feeling Lily?" asked McGonagall, looking across at her sympathetically.

"Uhh, I'm alright, thanks."

"I heard that your mother has passed away. I offer my deepest condolences."

"Thanks." Lily looked down to her folded hands, no longer able to tolerate the scrutinizing look she was receiving. _What am I supposed to say?_

"Your sister Petunia," – Lily's head snapped up – "Has made it very clear to me that she wants you present at your mother's funeral on Saturday."

"She…has?"

"Indeed. She will not go ahead with it until both her mother's daughters are present."

There was a long pause. Professor McGonagall waited patiently.

"Okay. Does that mean I'm leaving Friday night?" _That's only two days away…_

"Only if you desire – it is your choice."

"I want to," said Lily. Strangely, she felt like she was lying. "How long for?"

"I'd say a fortnight would be sufficient. Re-bond, catch-up."

"Okay," nodded Lily, dreading the thought of two weeks with a murderous Petunia. Two weeks without James. _Will you shut-up about him already?_

"It's settled. You can fly reasonably well can't you?" said McGonagall, her voice turning from soft to business-like.

Lily nodded, smiling slightly.

"Good. I'll organize a guide to get you safely home."

Lily nodded and rose from the chair, slinging her bag over her shoulder and freeing the clumps of long red hair which had become caught under the straps.

"And Miss Evans?"

"Yes Professor?" Lily halted in the doorway.

"You took Professor Duritte's patrol shift last night didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Did you happen to see Marv Colette?"

"No Professor."

"Alright. Be off to breakfast now or you'll be late."

---

Lily pushed on; it was an effort to stay awake. Even to blink. It was even more of an endeavor pretending to have interest in pointless conversation when for all she knew, James was cooking up some idiotic plan in the free time he was supposed to be using to study.

To get to Potions from Astronomy, she agonizingly had to walk past the Portrait Hole, knowing he was a password away. She glanced longingly over her shoulder, dragged away from him by the jostling crowd. _How did it come to this?_ She thought, _James Potter_. People kept enquiring about her cheek. By late afternoon, half her year knew she 'fell over in detention'.

The current talk of the school was the rise in the dark arts. The Daily Prophet had scours of missing and murdered, splashed across its headlines. Lily began to realize that while her own world had crumbled apart, the wizarding world may just follow her lead.

Some (it was unfair to condemn them as an entire house; not _all_ of them were evil) of the Slytherins behavior only became worse at this current climate. The rise in dark arts and that of a mysterious wizard who was becoming known as "Voldemort" meant the heightened persecution of muggleborns and their supporters. The head teachers didn't tolerate it, scores of Slytherins and a few Ravenclaws already having been given month-long detentions for making their sentiments physically known.

If it wasn't for the truth that Lily was ravenous, she would have skipped dinner and headed straight for the dormitory. Barely any seventh years were present at the meal, either too busy studying or too lazy to leave their common-rooms.

"I'm done, I have to go!" said Lily hastily. Jacinta stared at her, one eyebrow raised as she downed a few last mouthfuls of juice and slung her bag over her shoulder. She didn't want to attract any attention by running through the school like a 'banshee' again. Instead, she power-walked away from the hall trying to pay no heed to the terrified part of her which didn't want to be alone in the halls again.

She had barely reached the second floor corridor when she definantly heard somebody. She knew it wasn't her imagination this time; the person wasn't exactly trying to be quiet. The corridor was so prone to echoes; she couldn't pinpoint the direction of the stranger.

Lily cowered in apprehension, protecting her face with her hands when she saw the flash of green which meant Slytherins robes.

"Lily?"

Her mind was blank; the only coherent words formed were _he's back_.

"LILY!" Lily's hands lowered from her face when she recognized the voice.

"Oh…Oh…hey Sev," said Lily shakily. He looked concerned, his hands were half extended towards her, as if he was about to shake her. They dropped to his sides and Lily looked back at his face.

"Are you…alright?" said Severus hesitantly. Lily was sick and tired of hearing those words, no matter the kind intentions behind them.

"I'm –," she couldn't finish her answer. She'd told the lie 'I'm fine' too many times in the past week. "So, what are you doing here? Dinners in session," continued Lily hastily changing the subject.

"I was just up at the hospital wing."

"Why?"

"I was visiting my friend Marv – do you know him? Marv Colette, the Slytherin seeker."

Lily's stomach dropped. "You're friends with him?" she whispered.

"Yes…Are you acquainted with him?"

"You could say," hissed Lily, her nostrils flaring. Her heart rate still hadn't returned to normal, Severus had really startled her. She didn't realize how much Marv had rattled her.

"Did he…" Severus's tone became dangerous. "…hurt you?" Severus ran a long pale finger along the bruise etched across her cheek._ Why would you care?_ Lily wanted to shout. _After all, I'm just a filthy little mudblood!_

"No," snapped Lily, leaning away. _Her best friend! Buddies with Marv Colette._ "I have to go."

---

Lily literally burst through the portrait hole. Panting, she stared around the room in search of the Marauders. She could have jumped for joy when she spotted them. Her second of excitement popped when she noticed James was absent. Sirius was asleep, lounged across the rug before the fire. Remus was also dead to the world, sprawled haphazardly across the sofa. Books were strewn, open and closed across the floor.

"Peter?" asked Lily tentatively. She'd never spoken to the quietest Marauder before. He looked up timidly from his book. He was the alone, sitting at the small table near the window.

"Oh! Hello there Lily – can I help you…?"

"Yes, is James in his bedroom?" asked Lily. She was too desperate to even feel ashamed of her need to see him. His void of patience with her was endless. Peter shrugged apologetically.

"Sorry Lily, I don't have a key to the prefect's bedroom. You'll have to ask one of those two," he grinned, pointing Sirius and Remus. Lily grimaced and turned to face them. She peered over the edge of the couch to see Remus snoozing peacefully, deeply asleep and rather haggard looking.

Her eyes shifted to Sirius. He was snoring, drooling over the rug. His foot twitched at random moments. She knelt by him and cautiously placed a hand upon his shoulder.

"Sirius?" whispered Lily. His eye-lashes fluttered and he grunted. Lily felt a warm emotion trickle through her. He was almost brotherly.

"Sirius," repeated Lily more loudly, shaking him. His eyes flashed open. They swung from the ceiling to Lily's face. He raised one eyebrow.

"Where's –,"

"You know," breathed Sirius, cutting her off. He grabbed the front of her robe and brought her down so that her ear was beside his mouth. "You are starting to become my personal ghost. An annoying, sixth year, _girl_ ghost." He released her.

Lily beamed and thumped him on the shoulder. He groaned groggily and sat up, scratching his knee. "What do you want from me Evans?"

"Can you let me into the prefect's bedroom?"

"Ah," sighed Sirius. "Of course. You two better not have _too_ much fun up there, it's me and Moony's room as well you know."

Lily thumped him again, harder.

"Damn it woman," complained Sirius, rubbing his shoulder and getting up. Lily didn't bother asking why he referred to Remus as _Moony_.

Students were starting to file in through the Portrait Hole, slow-moving and full from dinner.

"Hurry up," muttered Lily impatiently.

"Shut it," replied Sirius, pointing at her mouth. His hands delved into his robe pockets, patting his pants before finally dragging out a key.

"Can't she just use_ Alohamora_?" asked Peter squeakily.

"No Wormtail, only prefects can get in with magic," retorted Sirius impatiently, handing Lily the key and lying back onto the rug. "Even the kid knows that." His voice was muffled and lethargic again.

In truth, Lily hadn't known that. It was just by chance she'd decided to ask permission. She shook the thought away and bounded up the steps three at a time.

The door swung open after several seconds of rough yanking and twisting. Lily wondered how James had gotten the stiff door open so quickly last time. _And_ he had been carrying her!

She entered the room to find him sprawled across the bed, sleeping soundly. It wasn't a disappointment, she thought to herself, closing the door behind her. Even though she had waited all day to talk to him, being with him was fulfilling enough; conscious or otherwise. Her green eyes reflected the light from the lamp beside his bed.

"Lily," mumbled James. His eyes were still closed. _How does he do that?_

"How did you know I was here?"

Lily waited. No reply came. On closer inspection, she realized he had still been sleeping. Unfortunately her 'closer inspection' of poking and prodding had woken him up anyway.

"Lily?" said James disbelievingly. His eyes were narrowed against the light, lashes fluttering.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you."

She sat onto the bed and lay back so that they were lying next to one another.

"I hope you've been studying," scolded Lily, punching him playfully on the arm. He laughed quietly. James cleared his throat and sighed.

"I forget how little you know about me."

"The rest of your friends were studying!"

"Oh really. What were they doing when you found them?"

"Well Peter was reading!"

"And the other two?"

"Fine, whatever, they were sleeping," huffed Lily.

James grasped her hand and held it against his heart. It was beating calmly. She watched him close his eyes.

"So I was thinking," said James.

"Well that's a worry," muttered Lily. He nudged her playfully.

"_Anyway_," he emphasized. "We haven't had an official first date yet."

"I know, it's appalling isn't it?"

James ignored her. "Would you like to have dinner with me by the lake tomorrow?"

Lily furrowed her delicate brow. "Sure, but how will you get us dinner?"

"The elves are more than willing to help."

Lily gasped. "You know how to get to the kitchens?"

"Well if you want I'll take you for a tour instead of a picnic," laughed James at Lily's excitement.

"No, the lake sounds good," said Lily wriggling to lie on her side and face him.

"Good?" he pouted, mirroring her posture and turning to face her. He leaned his temple onto his palm, propping his head up with his elbow.

"Great," amended Lily. "Perfect."

James looked up from their hands, still intertwined, to her face. His ray of darkness swept across his features leaving them stony.

"What's wrong?" asked Lily, alarmed by his sudden stillness.

James didn't reply. His expression was pained when he removed his free hand from hers to slide the back of his fingers gently down her cheek. _Oh_, thought Lily, understanding.

"It doesn't hurt," lied Lily, patting her bruise softly.

"It doesn't matter," came James's sharp reply. His upper lip was curled. "I swear if Sirius hadn't already sent him to the hospital wing I would have done it myself…"

"Don't be stupid," said Lily seriously. "Remus is right, you need to be the bigger person here and go to Dumbledore if they do anything worse."

"Not you too," groaned James. "I'm a man Lily-" she rolled her eyes "-if I go to Dumbledore I might as well kneel before Colette and clean his shoes."

"Whatever," muttered Lily, giving up for the moment. The atmosphere was too quiet, too peaceful to be disturbed by arguing. She wormed her way closer, resting her head upon his arm.

"Shall we carry on from where we left off yesterday?" joked James, his voice unintentionally seductive. His hand released Lily's, leaving hers on his chest. Lily's eyes snapped open to stare at James when she felt his cool palm running up the back of her thigh. She closed her eyes unwillingly, completely tranquil. His touch was feathery light, at some points it was just his fingertips caressing delicate patterns into the smooth skin of her legs. A trail of goose bumps was left behind each trace.

She laughed and slapped his hand with a resounding _whack!_ when it nudged up past her skirt hem. James's hand came up from between them to grasp her jaw instead, holding her there so he could lean in and press his lips against hers, none to gently. She responded with just as much strength, pushing him back and running her tongue along his bottom lip. She could feel him smiling against her mouth when he unexpectedly pulled away.

Lily was on the verge of complaining when she heard the bedroom door close with a click. Reluctantly, she turned her face away from James to scowl lightheartedly at Sirius and Remus. They were grinning, their eyes shifting from Lily's scowl to James's irritation as if they were watching a Quidditch match. Remus dumped his school bag by the door and kicked his shoes off, Sirius doing the same. They wandered over to their own beds, not saying a word but making up for it with smirks and stifled laughter.

"Tomorrow, dinner by the lake."

Lily understood his murmur to be a goodbye. She kissed him discreetly once more before hopping off the bed and walking to her own dormitory, wishing she could sleepover with the Marauders instead. She backtracked on that thought, questioning her own sanity.

---

_It's just a day_; Lily comforted herself walking to breakfast. _Surely I can wait a bloody day to see him._

Indeed she could, she must, but not without relentless impatience. The afternoon classes were filled with activities and challenges that, two weeks ago, Lily would have found fun. At present, they seemed to be cruelly slow obstacles, stopping her from seeing a boy who was, at times, only a wall away.

When the last bell rang, her reaction was unpredictable. She had been imagining herself all afternoon, jumping up and dashing through the grounds to the lake. Instead, she calmly told her surprised friends she would be with James for dinner and headed off, her pace a slow walk the entire way.

---

Lily advanced on him, watching his face. His eyes were focused far off into the distance, the dark brown turning to liquid chestnut in the light of the sun setting over the lake. He was relaxed on a tree root, huge and thick, protruding through the snow. The tree itself hung beautifully over him, towering majestically over her.

"Hey you," murmured Lily, almost feeling like she was disturbing the calm on his face. She pushed a few hanging branches aside. His head swiveled, a smile tugging at his lips from the sound of her voice. She plopped herself down beside him, following his gaze to watch the orangey glow fading behind the mountains that protected Hogwarts. The full moon peeked through the clouds before being obscured again.

"The elves will bring us food in around-," – he checked his watch, flipping his messy hair out of his eyes – "-half an hour."

Lily nodded. She felt a tad guilty. Somehow, taking advantage of the elves kindness felt immoral. Her thoughts on elves were wiped from her mind when he spoke.

"You know what I decided?" asked James.

"What?"

"I don't like double standards."

Lily waited for him to see her confused expression. "Oh gee, that explains _everything_!"

"Well," continued James, ignoring her. "I figure since I know a fair few of your secrets…it would only be fair for you know one of mine…"

"Only one?" complained Lily.

James rolled his eyes. "Stop _complaining_ and thank me," said James condescendingly.

"I'll thank you when I hear a worthy secret," protested Lily.

A short pause.

"I'm an animagus," admitted James quickly. "Sirius and Peter are too."

Lily's foot stopped kicking at snow. It froze, as did every other limb.

"I turn into a stag, Sirius – a _bloody_ huge, black dog and Peter turns into a rat," James smiled at the last few words. She could feel his eyes on her, waiting for her reaction. "Oh yeah, and we're unregistered."

"Un-registered?" repeated Lily, finally finding something to say. "_Un-registered_? James, do you have any idea what penalty you would get if you were –,"

James placed two fingers across her lips.

"That's why it's a secret Lily."

Lily pushed his hand from her lips. "Well…what do you want me to say? I mean I'm pretty impressed, it's an amazing achievement for students our age!"

James shrugged, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

"What about Remus?" realized Lily.

"Sadly, that's not my secret to tell…maybe you can ask Moony one day yourself."

Lily nodded, not sure if she would ever have the audacity to.

"So was that worthy enough? Where's my thank-you?"

"Thanks," Lily shot back. _Why bother arguing with a Marauder?_

"I didn't mean through words."

Lily shivered at the deep tone in his voice. Her lips twitched reluctantly into a nervous smile, desperately aware of how close his chiseled body was. She turned away from the sunset to lock her green eyes onto his fiery coffee.

"Then what did you mean?" asked Lily sarcastically, her chest soaring in response to the hungry look on his face.

He leaned in, melting into her from all angles. His soft lips assaulted her own, his hands on her hips, dragging her into him. She reveled in the warmth radiating off his skin, bringing a stinging life into her frosty lips, her rosy wind-burnt cheeks.

He smelt better then the night itself, his scent more earthy than the forbidden forest watching them. Lily pulled away, dragging in a breath she didn't realize she had desperately needed.

Their lips met again. Lily ran her hand down his tense neck, he gasped unwillingly, reeling.

"Well, well, well. Isn't this sweet."

James's reflexes were a second faster than Lily's. She pulled away in alarm half a second after he already had. He stood up silently, his eyes darting around the darkening evening, his breathing still heavy. Lily spotted the source of the mocking voice at the precise moment James did. They emerged from behind the thickest part of the tree trunk, four of them. Four Slytherins. Lily recognized them as being Marv's pals, a few of them even on the Slytherin Quidditch team.

They advanced slowly, skipping across tree roots towards them. Lily barely took notice of James shifting his position to protectively block her from view. Her emerald eyes were trained on the approaching group, which, she couldn't help but think, reminded her of dementors on the hunt.

They were only six feet away now. Lily was motionless, unsure of what to do.

"Potter," nodded a black haired boy politely. "How coincidental, seeing you here tonight. And your friend," he added, peeking around James to show that he knew Lily was there.

His tone was pleasant…but it was laced with something that made the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stand vertical. She could feel goose bumps prickling to life on her arms underneath her robe.

"It's funny, we were _just_ visiting Marv at the hospital wing!" said another boy. He was also black-haired and Lily realized he, and the boy who had spoken before him were twins.

"The prick deserves what he got," snarled James.

The amused sneers were wiped from all four faces to be replaced with vehemence.

"Marv is too unwell to play at the semi-finals this weekend…was that your little plan Potter?" asked one of the twins, voice hard.

"Lily," James addressed her, not turning his head away from the four muscular boys. "Get up to the castle. These guys are just going to have a chat with me now – go and wait for me at the dormitory."

Lily didn't move. He was lying.

"Lily," he repeated, more harshly now. "_Get – out_ of here."

"No –,"

"Well it seems we agree on one thing mudblood!" one of the black-haired twins cut her off.

"Shut the fuck up Damon!" roared James.

Damon's smile increased. His voice was velvety soft. "Unfortunately we_ can't_ let her go Potter. You see, without her, how else would we teach _you_ a lesson?"

Everybody moved so fast – Lily didn't know how she was suddenly in Damon's grip while James was struggling against the other three. She flinched at the contact when Damon held her roughly by the scruff of her robe, slamming her against his side. Her hand reached instinctively for her wand. She died a little inside when she found an empty pocket. The movement didn't go un-noticed by Damon. She gasped in dis-comfort when she found her own wand-tip pressed against her neck.

"Move again and I'll hex you with _delight_ mudblood," purred Damon, digging the tip further into her neck. She scrunched her nose with the effort it took not to moan.

"Don't make this harder for yourself Potter!" barked Damon's twin while the other two Slytherins forced him to his knees. Lily quickly assessed that their chances of escaping them were slim – especially with the brawniness of the group.

"Piss off Julian you _wanker_," snapped James, looking up at the other twin. Julian approached him slowly, smiling. His fist came back, faster than lightening before it swung forward and hit James's cheek so hard his neck snapped back. James's pulled his head forward and silently spat blood onto the snow in front of him.

James's hooded eyes locked for a second with fearful emerald and he remembered what he was fighting for. His wrists twisted ruthlessly from the other's grips. He was on his feet before Julian could take a step. James grabbed the brown-haired Slytherin by the shoulder and brought it down, connecting his knee with the boy's gut.

He wheezed, his face contorted, and fell backwards into the snow, coughing. The blonde Slytherin pummeled James from behind, aiming for sensitive ribs. He succeeded in making James cry out before he turned on him, parrying his punches away. All wands lay forgotten on the floor in their frenzy. James ducked another swing and his fist connected with the blonde's mouth.

"_Petrificus Totalis!_" yelled Julian, snapping out of his observations. James froze, still as ice. He was standing, expression blank.

"Hayden, Marcus, get up you useless … idiots," said Damon softly, still holding Lily. The tip of her wand was still pressed into Lily's neck but it had grown numb. Lily looked upon the scene as if she was a spectator, feeling it was too dreadful to be real.

Hayden and Marcus got up, wincing and shooting death stares at the frozen Gryffindor. James had his head down, his hand in the process of wiping away the blood pouring from his lips.

"Restrain him," whispered Damon. Confused, they did as he said, each of them holding an arm each behind James's back.

"Brother," Damon addressed his twin. "You take the head; I want to make sure he's watching."

Julian nodded, leering, as he sauntered over to James. He grabbed him by the hair and forced his frozen neck backwards so that James's furious eyes were looking at Damon.

"Un-freeze him," purred Damon. Julian grinned and whispered the counter-curse. James coughed, more blood soaking the already-stained snow. Lily noticed he tried not to wince at Julian's ruthless grip on his hair, the movement making his probably-broken ribs burn.

"I can see why she interests you," said Damon conversationally, looking at Lily's half irate, half pained expression. "She isn't plain like most of the sluts around here…however…her blood _is_ still tainted…"

Damon's hand released the scruff of her robe to glide his pale fingers across her collarbone. He leaned in and smelt her hair, his eyes rolling back into his head in over-acted ecstasy. He was dangling her like bait.

"Fine," croaked James. Lily's eyes flickered away from Damon's sneer to see James's expression morph from fury to persuasiveness.

"Fine?" repeated Damon, glancing at James, perplexed.

"Name your price," clarified James, blood trickling off his chin. "What will it take for you to leave her out of this?"

"Hmmm," mused Damon, his eyes eager. "Glad you caught on. My request is very simple and unusually fair. Your buddy Black injures our seeker – we get even. Did you really expect we wouldn't in turn, make_ you_ incapable of playing?"

The injustice of it all made Lily very aggravated. Sirius had been _helping_ her! The Gryffindor's had been provoked! This wasn't getting even.

"Marv attacked _me_! Sirius was just – just stopping him!" objected Lily, no longer able to keep quiet when Damon pointed her wand away from her neck and towards James. Damon's mouth came to Lily's ear in a flash.

"Do _not_ speak unless spoken to mudblood," murmured Damon coldly. Lily felt his hand move from her collarbone to her neck, enveloping it. She fought the instinct to struggle and froze.

"Damon," croaked James. He cleared his throat. "Can we just get this over with?"

"Gladly!" exclaimed Damon. Lily's eyes widened in horror, watching Hayden and Marcus smile to one another and crack their knuckles with intent. James closed his eyes.

"Wait," James spoke softly. Hayden paused in the act of preparing to thrash him. "Don't make her watch."

And that was all it took. It was now or never. Despite being scared stiff, Lily saw her chance. Her hand shot towards the glint of wood which protruded off the top of Damon's pocket. Her fingers seized it and she whirled out of his grip, sliding under his arm.

"_Expelliarmus!_" she cried, aiming Damon's own wand at him. Her wand flew out of his hands and landed somewhere in the dimness. "_Petrificus Totalis!_"

He snapped, rigid as a block and fell backwards into the snow.

"_Accio_ wand!" she shouted, now aiming her wand at Julian's. His wand flew from his outstretched hands into her own.

"Mudblood slut –!"

"_Reducto!_" screamed Lily. Sapphire streaks shot from her wand towards him. She winced when Julian was blasted into the air and landed in a crumbling heap as a result of her spell.

She turned wildly back to Hayden and Marcus, expecting an ambush. They weren't even looking at her. They were beating James to within an inch of his life.

"No –!" gasped Lily, breaking into a run, her scarlet hair swinging wildly.

"Get – off!" shrieked Lily, forgetting about magic for a moment and attempting to rip Hayden off James with her bare hands. She pulled ruthlessly at his robe to no avail. It was like trying to move a brick wall. James's yelp of pain was like a knife into her very ears.

"_Incendio!_" screeched Lily, aiming her wand at the frenzy in general. Fire shot from her wand tip like a flame-thrower, scattering Hayden and Marcus instantly. They scuttled like cockroaches from the heat, revealing James. He looked like a pile of blood and robes, sinister crimson stains leaking through the snow around him.

"James - ?" she croaked. The fire died from her wand-tip, plunging them back into weak evening light.

"It's worse than it looks," James managed to whisper. Even on his death-bed he was trying to re-assure her.

"Shut _up_," she meant for it to sound frustrated, but it barely surpassed a whisper. She tucked her hair behind her ear and approached him, crouching beside his droopy eyes. She ran a hand through his hair, keeping it away from his face. It came back covered in dark, slippery blood.

Violent hands grabbed at her, uproar ensued.

"Now you're going to get it –,"

"Little mudblood bitch!"

She vaguely recognized the voices to be that of the twins. Lily wasn't a screamer, but at this she couldn't control herself. She was being shoved back and forth between the two like a Quaffle. Stumbling, her hands stained with James's blood shot out to cushion her when she went crashing into the ground.

From the corner of her eyes, she became aware of James struggling to get to his feet. _No!_

"Pathetic," hissed Damon. His voice smoked in the frosty evening air. Lily clutched her head in pain, groaning as Damon grabbed a fistful of her hair and hauled her to her feet. She felt a sickening, heart-stopping sense of déjàvu. Damon struggled to hold her still while Julian punched her repeatedly. She gasped for air, instinctively trying to bend over. Lily thrashed about, unable to believe this was happening again. _I won't get lucky this time._

A dreadfully low growl quaked through the air, almost shaking the very snow. Both Damon and Julian's heads whipped in the same direction. Amusement was wiped from their faces to be replaced with terror.

"Run!" Damon bellowed at his brother, shoving Lily to the ground. "You can be the tasty distraction!" he hissed down at her.

They fled. Lily almost couldn't bear to look. She forced her head to face the source of their fear, eyes focusing.

There, huge, hairless and half-upright, crouched a werewolf.

* * *

**All spells are real, I looked them up to make sure!**


	8. Chapter 8: Repercussions

**Please note I'm using Harry Potter movie werewolves, not Twilight werewolves. **

* * *

Chapter Eight: Repercussions

Lily became extremely aware of her heavy breathing during the silence that ensued. The tension in the air could have been sliced with a knife. The werewolf's yellow eyes were locked on her fearful green. Lily had read books upon books on them. She'd done assignment's on them – seen their pictures hundreds of times. Nothing could have prepared her for the sheer size of it. Even crouching, Lily could imagine the height it was capable of reaching, given the elongated limbs.

The werewolf's eyes snapped away from her to look at James's movement. James was sitting up now, albeit, gingerly. The werewolf was at his side in a flash, sniffing the rusty smell of blood wafting off him. This was what had brought it this far.

"No," whispered James. To Lily's horror, he reached out and touched the werewolf's hand-like paw. The beast ripped it away as if electrocuted, letting out a menacing roar.

"Look at me, _look at me_," James continued to croak, pointing to his bloodied face. _That's it_, Lily thought despairingly, _he's been beaten badly enough that he's completely lost his marbles. _She shifted discreetly into a kneeling position, feeling less vulnerable.

"You _know_ me; I know you're in there Remus!"

Lily replayed the thought in her head. Remus. REMUS?

James reached out again, pulling back instantly when the beast lunged forward, snapping the air where his fingers had been. The werewolf rose from its crouch, throwing its head to the moon and howling hauntingly.

"_Reducto!_" shouted Lily, aiming her wand at the werewolf's head. The creature's neck snapped down in an instant, dodging the spell and sending a vicious snarl Lily's way. The werewolf's focus was back on her now, her attack riling it up even more than the scent of James's blood.

_Speaking of James..._what_ is he doing?_ Lily glanced over at him, doing her best to disregard the gradually advancing lithe beast. James had struggled into a kneeling position. He was shuddering violently, his face screwed up with the pain it took to focus. His hair fell, lank and damp over his eyes.

"James!" came Lily's loud warning. "Don't try it! You'll only worsen your injuries!"

James panted, dragging in deep breaths through the shaking with the effort it took to reply to her.

"If I _don't_ you'll die–," he breathless voice broke off, unable to speak as another violent shudder ripped through him. Lily opened her mouth in dismay, his pupils were dilating, eyes widening to disproportional size. He fell forward into a crawling position. In a second of morphing and growing, his antlered head threw itself up to face the stars. Lily could onlygape at the stunning stag over the stalking werewolf's shoulder.

The stag charged.

Lily shuffled back hastily; the werewolf was shoved towards her in a snarl of fury, almost hitting her. It's yellow-eyed face whipped around to gawk at the antlers sinking into its ribcage. Its surprise lasted barely a second and then, the battle began.

The stag evaded the werewolf's sharp swipe by less than an inch. The sound of snapping teeth filled the still night air. Lily wished they weren't so far away from the castle – nobody could hear them now. And they were going to be killed. The antlered creature was bleeding. Damp red patches of fur covered its ribcage and neck, blood dripped from its torn lips. James's wounds.

The werewolf was throwing the majestic stag around like a rag doll. The ground thumped sinisterly each time the stag was slammed into it. But the comparatively lanky animal didn't surrender. It jumped to its feet, half limping towards the werewolf in another feeble attack.

A pained cry made itself heard beneath the blurring swipes. From which creature, Lily couldn't tell. The werewolf eyed her from the side, noticing her retreating shuffles. It pushed the stag effortlessly to the ground, bounding towards Lily again with a growl.

Its growl was cut off with a yelp of surprise when an enormous black dog flew through the air over Lily and wrestled the werewolf to the ground.

Her jaw fell open yet again, feeling this night couldn't get any worse or weirder. The dog was larger than a normal wolf, but still no match for the swiping, snarling werewolf after it now. The dog growled ferociously, trotting off and away from James, dangling itself like prey for the werewolf to follow. The werewolf did so frighteningly fast, Lily feared the nimble dog's life when the werewolf shot off after it, trailing an inch behind its wagging black tail and back into the forbidden forest.

"Let's out of here," groaned James, attempting to get up. Lily snapped out of her reverie, looking back towards where the stag had been. James was back in human-form now, lying on the snow and struggling into a sitting position. He opened his robe, inserted a gentle hand within his chest area. It came out covered in blood. Lily sprinted over his side, ignoring the agonizing pain ripping through her torso.

"Oh my god," said Lily in a small voice. Her hand covered her mouth, smothering a choked sob which threatened to escape. James's blood stained the snow around them, both human and stag blood. All James, none the less. Tears ran down Lily's face. "Oh god, somebody help us...please this can't be happening."

"Shhh," whispered James, his voice hitching in pain. The fact that _he_ was comforting _her_ gave her a new resolve.

"I think I might need to go to the hospital wing," he sounded shocked; as if he'd never considered needing a professional wizards help.

"You _don't say_," replied Lily bitingly, trying to let sarcasm dominate the panic in her voice. Her ribs ached, her stomach throbbed, her hair roots burned. And her injuries seemed miniscule in comparison.

"Sirius won't be able to hold him off for long –," James let out a soft moan of anguish when, with the help of Lily, he'd finally stood up. "Not with the smell of me here anyway."

He tried to gently push her off, but she wouldn't budge. She shoved his protesting hand roughly away and slung his arm stubbornly over her shoulder.

"They weren't meant to come this far…must've been the blood," said James. She wasn't sure if he was talking to her or himself.

"You have some_ serious_ explaining to do," huffed Lily. They started towards the castle, James plodding at a crawl and grudgingly leaning on Lily.

"Remus runs through the forbidden forest with us when he's changed," explained James, his face growing ashen while he tried to distract himself from the agony. "I don't know…what they were doing – this close to the border – like I said, Sirius probably lost sight –," James dragged in a painful breath "– of him…after Remus smelt my blood and…ran off."

"That's a risky little game," said Lily, her tone acidic. Running with a werewolf through the forest like it was some fun little monthly adventure! She was so _so_ angry at him. He was truly hurt and it was his own damn egotistical fault! _And_ the Slytherin attack was partly his fault too! If he had just gone to Dumbledore sooner –!

Her thoughts were cut loose with the effort it took to support him. His eyes were closing, head droopy.

"Come on," whispered Lily, her voice very gentle now. She jostled him slightly. His eyes flew open. "Just a little further now."

It was a lie. The castle was hundreds of metres away, every step cost him pain, cost her energy. Lily really considered the fact that they might not make it.

But they did.

---

The walk, no, _haul_, from the lakes edge felt like days. Lily's eyes widened in mild surprise when she and James were greeted at the entrance doors by a confused Madam Pomfrey and an agitated Sirius.

"See! THERE THEY ARE!" shouted Sirius triumphantly, running over to them. He looked haggard, his black hair falling over his contrastingly pale face.

"Sirius my man," croaked James, patting his shoulder feebly. "Nice save."

Sirius grinned. Lily itched to slap him. _How can he be smiling right now?_ Madam Pomfrey noticed James's blood-soaked clothing and gave a little shriek of horror, hurrying over and conjuring a levitating stretcher. James struggled onto it.

"What I want to know," mused Sirius, following his movements watchfully. "Is what you were doing bleeding all over the ground – feet away from the forbidden forest! Not very smart mate. On _tonight_, of all nights!" he added in a whisper, glancing at Madam Pomfrey wearily. She wasn't paying attention to Lily or Sirius. Her hands were fluttering over the bed, eyes feverish.

"I'll explain – tomorrow," James managed to get out. He lay back and his features contorted in agony. "Is Moony safely – back?"

"At the Shrieking Shack," confirmed Sirius in an undertone as James was levitated away.

"James," said Lily, walking alongside the bed. His hands grasped hers, steadying the trembling.

"Visit me – tomorrow morning?"

"Of course," she promised. She didn't want to leave him _now_.

"That's enough girl, leave him be!" complained Madam Pomfrey, prying their hands apart. Lily halted, letting the bed glide away from her and around the corner.

The dark hall was silent now; the complaints of Madam Pomfrey fading down a corridor.

Lily turned to Sirius, her expression was beyond fury.

"How – dare – you!" she yelled, smacking his arm between each word. Sirius seemed mildly surprised by her outburst. He put his hands up in defense, eyes amused. His expression only spurred her on. "Running around with a werewolf at night, _near_ the school!"

"You should be thanking me Evans," complained Sirius conceitedly. "That's twice I've saved your ass."

"My _ass _–," Lily smacked him a final time. "– wouldn't _need_ saving if it wasn't for the mind-numbing idiocy of every single person in your group!"

"Well that's not fair," pouted Sirius. "Remus is very sensible."

"Oh yeah, the _werewolf_ is the one with morals," said Lily sarcastically. What she was saying wasn't her. She was too enraged to care.

Sirius's eyes darkened. His expression wasn't amused anymore.

"Remus is my friend. Hell, he's like my brother. I personally don't choose to judge someone over something they had no choice over." She knew he was right.

Sirius turned away from her and stalked off.

"No you don't!" snarled Lily. She had never been so beside herself with indignation. She stomped after him in pursuit and grabbed him by the shoulder, forcing him to face her.

"What _now_ kid?" protested Sirius. Lily paused, too many complaints forming.

"You – you're a _prefect!_ How can you do this? I'll go to Dumbledore, I swear I will!"

His face was abruptly inches from hers. "Then go," he breathed.

She didn't move. He smiled and blinked, turning away from her again. She followed him mercilessly, keeping up a string of valid complaints until they reached the Portrait Hole. He finally turned, sighing, to face her in the common room. Their faces danced in the light from the fire-place.

"Evans –," began Sirius. He put a hand out, pressing her upper stomach back to stop her attack. Lily huffed in pain, jumping back as if he'd burnt her. The numbness all over was beginning to fade, a searing, throbbing pain taking its place. Her stomach ached ruthlessly; almost every surface of her skin was on fire. She didn't want to know what tomorrow would feel like.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" asked Sirius worriedly, reaching out again. She dodged his hand. Sirius's face was lost of all humour, he was looking at her, really looking, for the first time that night. His eyes swept over her tear-streaked face, her disheveled hair and frenzied eyes.

"I'm tired, I'm gonna go to sleep," her voice was a bit uneven. Pain was lancing through her. Sirius caught her by the shoulder's stopping her and bending over so that they were at eye level.

"Evans … what happened to you both tonight?" Lily could tell this was what he'd been waiting until now to ask. Somehow she felt she couldn't talk about the ambush without James by her side.

"I'll tell you tomorrow," replied Lily, pushing past him and making her limp as subtle as possible as she climbed the stairs to the girls' dormitory. _Tomorrow_ she repeated in her thoughts. _I can't wait that long to see him. I can't, I can't, I can't._ All her friends were, to her strong relief, asleep.

She couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty about being a lousy friend again. Anguish and worry consumed her, infecting her dreams with images of James, bloodied and dying on a hospital bed. _Which_, she reminded herself after waking up panting again, _he probably is_.

* * *

**Bit of a short chapter, I just wanted to get it out there. As for my 'amazing' updating skills, I'm on holiday! Need I say more? :)  
**


	9. Chapter 9: Crime

James Potter's eyes split open. He screamed hoarsely. The sandy-haired seventh year girl who had been stroking his hair also began to scream.

"Mr. Potter!" shrieked Madam Pomfrey, sprinting over to his bed. "_Why are you awake_?!"

James eyes popped, veins pulsing. He was groaning now, his face frozen into a silent scream of pain.

"Miss May!" shouted Madam Pomfrey, readying the pain-killer potion on James's bedside table. "What in Merlin's _name_ do you think you're doing in here? Waking up Mr. Potter and sneaking into the hospital wing at –," she glanced at her gold watch "– six thirty in the morning!"

"I'm so sorry Madam Pomfrey!" Ursula May apologized profusely; still staring worriedly at James's pained expression. "James begged me to visit! He was lonely…"

James couldn't get out a protest. His disagreement was cut off by Madam Pomfrey who shoved a mug of cool, slippery potion down his throat. He struggled to swallow it all in one gulp, coughing and choking. Ursula patted his back daintily. James growled in irritation and shoved her hands off when Madam Pomfrey wasn't watching.

"Mr. Potter that should do the trick."

James nodded gratefully, relaxing back onto the pillow. He welcomed the numbness; it muted the aches, stabs and throbs of pain attacking him from every inch of his body.

"Miss May, I expect you gone in ten minutes, I _will_ be back to check!" Madam Pomfrey snatched the mug off the bedside table and strut crossly into her office, slamming the door behind her.

James wasn't listening; he was staring down at himself, one eye-brow raised. It wasn't _quite_ as bad as he had expected. His chest was strapped to the point of discomfort, so tight that his breaths were forced to be shallow and short. The tape wound around it supported his ribs. He could feel they were no longer broken; Madam Pomfrey would have fixed that in a minute. The area was still, however, fragile and very tender.

His fingers came up from beneath the thin hospital sheets to stroke his torn lips. His mouth tasted salty and dry. He ran his tongue along his front teeth to find flaps of his gums, tattered and hanging as a result of Julian's punch. Apart from the bruises and slashes healing rapidly across his stomach and arms, he couldn't find anything else wrong with him.

"James?" whined Ursula. He'd forgotten she was here. He looked at her impatiently, feeling slightly guilty when he saw the wounded look in her big blue eyes. _Bloody ex won't leave me alone. I _won't_ let myself feel guilty, _James promised himself. In the past, he'd been down the same road with the deviously innocent looking girl too many times.

"What?" snapped James, dodging her hand when it came up to stroke his hair like a puppy dog. They had dated in fifth year…or…was it sixth…? James's past relationships tended to blur together and over-lap in his mind. They had all being pleasurable distractions from the feisty little red-head who'd glower at his smirk in the corridor's and avoid his raucous group in the common-room.

Ursula only took care of people when she needed something from them.

"Do you feel okay?" asked Ursula.

Okay. Such a broad term. Was it an emotion? Or a condition? Either way, James missed feeling _okay. _

"No…" James heard himself mumbling. To whom he was speaking to, he wasn't sure. "I don't – I'm not –,"

Another silence. He didn't even look at her. This wasn't the girl whose company he so desperately craved.

"What do you want?" James finally said, cutting right to the point. His eyes lifted to look at her, feeling slightly ashamed at his moment of discomposure. He smelt hot pumpkin juice wafting from Madam Pomfrey's office.

She looked at him, one eye-brow raised for few moments.

"The day's Sirius is free," she finally admitted. "Or where he is these days anyway."

Her hand flopped down onto the sheets, her concerned little façade falling off her like a mask. Her face was business-like now, the baby blue eyes freezing ice cold. "You see James, I'm bored. _You_, obviously, won't play with me – not while you continue your infatuation for a sixth year. And so…Sirius is just as favorable. When Black and I are both bored we always find _something_ to do…usually each other…."

"Stop," begged James, putting a hand out and turning his face away in revulsion. "Merlin, what are you Ursula, a lap dog?"

He straightened his sheets, wincing as a stab of pain shot through his ribcage. He was trying to distract himself from Lily now that Ursula had mentioned her. How long would he have to wait to see her? Would she visit? Or was she so angry that everything they felt for each-other didn't matter anymore? _I deserve it_, thought James desolately. _That's twice she's been hurt because of me. What next? Ambushed between classes? What if next time no-one hears her screams…She's got her mum's death to worry about, she shouldn't be involved in my wars…_

"It's weird that you and Remus were somehow injured at the same time," mused Ursula, looking across the room suspiciously. "It's all one big _mystery_…"

James's eyes followed hers, dread building up within his throat. Across from James, asleep on a bed lined up against the opposite wall, was Remus. His sandy crop of hair was just visible above the sheets.

"When did _he_ come in?"

"Rumor has it Sirius dragged him in at the crack of dawn...the baffling attack on the Marauder's has been the talk of the whole school…"

"Great," said James tonelessly. He ran a hand absentmindedly through his dark brown hair, ruffling it up. The last thing he needed was the entire school asking questions for the next month. Ursula watched random gold strands of James's hair glint in the rising sun.

"Alright!" snapped Madam Pomfrey, bustling from her office and towards them. "That was your ten minutes now shoo!"

James sighed in quiet relief when Ursula left his bedside. She turned back to wink at him seductively before exiting through the hospital doors. She was blocked from walking out by a small crowd.

"Oh," James heard her surprised tone. "Morning Professor Dumbledore Sir."

_Dumbledore? _thought James. He didn't know whether or not he was glad to see the man who knew about Remus's little problem. It would be like a betrayal to admit to him that after he was so accepting of Remus's predicament, they had taken advantage of it and ran around the grounds every month with a werewolf. As unregistered animagus'.

Ursula held the door open for the tall, thin wizard. He glided through, nodding and smiling down at her. Trailing behind Dumbledore in single file was Marv Colette and the black-haired twins; Damon and Julian.

---

The sound of her alarm clock going off had never been more welcome. Her eyelids snapped open, jade eyes instantly alert. _The Marauders._

Her legs shuffled across the bed until they hung right over it, she rose into a sitting position and blanched. She felt as if she'd run a marathon. Cautiously, she lifted her bright yellow night shirt off her stomach and turned towards the weak morning to inspect herself. Lily had no reaction to seeing the dark purple tinge covering her upper stomach and lower arms. _I'll heal_, she thought casually, wincing at the soreness of her bruised skin when her fingertips brushed lightly across it.

She travelled quietly past her still drowsy and sleeping friends to the bathroom mirror. Luckily, her face had been left out of this attack. Her pale, rosy cheeks were now as bright as ever. Lily was taken aback by the forcefulness of the revenge she so badly wanted on those pathetic Slytherins. Never in her life would she have thought that one day she'd want to plot an assault against Hogwarts student's with the Marauder's by her side.

Lily felt her life resembled a bleak, rapid tide. She only hoped she'd always be able to swim fast enough to keep up with it. Never before had she lived more in the _now_.

After a few more minutes of quiet observation before the mirror, her thoughts snapped back to James and her last bloody images of him. She dressed and got ready like a machine, keeping the chatter with friends to a minimum.

She was grateful for the cold weather, giving her an excuse to wear her long-sleeved coat over her school blouse, covering the fading marks on her arms. Curious stares and casual questions were shot her way, her unnatural, agitated behavior not going un-noticed.

"I'm not coming to class this morning," admitted Lily, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Visiting James I suppose?" asked Chelsea resignedly. Lily wondered if Chelsea had been jealous up until now. She put down her un-finished piece of toast.

"Yeah," acknowledged Lily, swallowing. She didn't want to ask how her best friends knew about the incidents of last night. Excluding the werewolf bit of course. The knowledge of the school was limited to the Slytherins attack on Gryffindor Quidditch captain and prefect James Potter and his sixth year lass. She was so relieved Chelsea and Jacinta realized she wanted to be left alone for a while. Their usual instinct was to badger and interrogate.

Lily swung her schoolbag over her shoulder and hopped off the bench. Her friends smiled at her supportively before turning back to the long Gryffindor table laden with eggs, toast, cereal, bacon, butter and jam.

Her stride to the hospital wing was jerky and stiff. She still felt the same as the moment she'd stepped out of bed. As if she'd been trampled by a Hippogriff. She couldn't believe that after all this time she _still_ felt nervous as she walked along the last corridor to the hospital wing. Nervous knowing that James Potter was waiting for her on the other side of that big, oak door.

Waiting before the said door, Lily paused to take a breath and organize her thoughts. Thoughts that included what to yell at James. _That egotistical idiot who almost got us killed._

She didn't get the chance to open the door herself. It swung forward from the other side, revealing a calm Dumbledore trailed by the furious-looking Marv Colette and the tall, black-haired twins.

---

The hospital wing was just as she'd remembered. The white, sterile beds with thin, stretcher-like mattresses were doused in strong morning sunshine, streaming in through the tall clear window panes. Portraits of famous healers framed the closed door to Madam Pomfrey's office. Her green eyes scanned the hall-sized room cautiously. She couldn't spot James. Instead, her eyes focused on a sandy-crop of hair, poking out from behind the thin hospital sheets.

She shuffled over to his bedside. When sleeping, Remus looked as if it would take a bludger to wake him up. His breaths were slow but rhythmic. The dark circles which had hung from his eyes for the past week were slowly fading. _Full moon's over..._

The whole situation was tragic. Lily had always, despite not being close to, been fond of Remus. He was the most sensible of the group (or so she'd thought) and he was going to spend the rest of his life as an outcast. An outcast for something he had no choice over. An outcast who would forever be looking for work and friends, shunned by the Ministry of Magic and considered untrustworthy by the rest of the magical community. And Lily didn't even want to think about his physical _pain_…

"Lily?"

Lily's eyes snapped away from Remus's peaceful face in search of the familiar voice. Two bed's down lay Jeremy Stevenson. A sixth grader like Lily, he was universally known to be extremely self-centered and mildly popular with the witches.

"Come to visit me have you Lily?" asked Jeremy. His blue eyes were completely serious.

Lily chose to ignore that question. "What's happened to you?" said Lily, her voice a monotone, eyes running over his arm in a sling.

"Nothing I can't get over," replied Jeremy, winking. Lily asked again. He explained he'd been 'viciously attacked' by a centaur herd near the forbidden forest.

"Really. Are you sure you didn't go looking for a bit of amusement with your dimwitted friends and decided to piss off the herd?"

Jeremy ignored her last comment, going on to explain in great detail the battle he fought against hundreds of the violent monsters, his friends cowering behind him. But Lily wasn't listening anymore; she was remembering the day Jeremy asked her out the previous year.

_Lily left the library after a hard session of O.W.L's studying. The castle glowed in the evening._

"_Jeremy?" asked Lily, noticing him waiting outside the portrait hole._

"_Oh Lily, there you are. I've been meaning to ask if you'd want to go out this Christmas? I know you live only a few suburbs away -,"_

"_No," came Lily's quick, automatic reply. He looked startled. "I mean I'd love to," she amended quickly, lying through her teeth. "But I'm just too busy at the moment with O.W.L.s and everything, you know?"_

"_Are you a lesbian?" enquired Jeremy. Lily glared at him. His question wasn't due to her lack of boyfriends despite her beauty. He had simply never been denied before._

"_Yes," replied Lily, her voice dripping in sarcasm. "Because there is no other possible reason I could possibly say no to you is there?"_

_She pushed past him and climbed through the portrait hole._

"…and the half-breed leader, he said to his friends, 'should we spare this ignorant child?' but I wasn't going to take that. What do they think they are, calling _me_ a child? I ran up -,"

"Miss Evans?" asked Madam Pomfrey in surprise, bustling down the room towards her.

"Hi Madam Pomfrey."

"Here to visit Remus are we?"

"Yeah…"

"That's all well and good dear, however I cannot allow you more than half an hour – I know you have class after all!"

"Thanks Madam Pomfrey."

"Do you have any idea what happened to these prefects?" asked Madam Pomfrey in a more hushed tone when she was standing right next to Lily.

"No, not really, apart from the Slytherin attack," lied Lily.

"Oh yes," nodded Pomfrey gravely, looking her up and down. "So sorry to hear about that my dear. But with Remus, it's very strange. Almost as if he's been repeatedly stabbed in the torso."

"Oh –,"

"Dumbledore visited Mr. Potter just a moment ago, informed me Remus had strayed too close to the Womping Willow on ground's duty…but I, for one, know that is impossible…are you _sure_ you don't know anything? You and James were both attacked on the same night as Remus's accident after all -,"

"She's sure Poppy."

Lily's head whipped around to see James, limping towards them. She looked back to the door he'd just emerged from; it was the bathroom.

"That's _Madam Pomfrey_ to you Potter," snapped Pomfrey. "Merely because you're in here every fortnight due to Quidditch does not make that appropriate. And _get back_ into bed."

Madam Pomfrey bustled off towards her office, slamming the door behind her.

She heard James laugh briefly – it was cut off by a wheeze of pain. He clutched his ribs.

"Duly noted. Can't laugh."

Lily approached him and scanned him, noticing the places he was taped up. He smelt of healing potion and clean hospital sheets.

"Are you okay?" asked Lily. It was such a pointless question yet she still had to ask.

"Of course."

"Good."

Lily slapped him across the face, hard enough for his face to turn. She could feel Jeremy watching them from his bed but she didn't care. James's face turned slowly back to face hers. He was smiling sheepishly.

"Alright I deserved that."

"Damn right you did Potter. What you did that night was either the bravest or the stupidest thing I've ever seen."

"I'm leaning towards bravest," grinned James.

"_I'm_ leaning towards _stupidest!_"

"But everything's okay now, I'll explain, Dumbledore came in this morning with Marv and the twins –,"

"I know," interrupted Lily. "I saw them leaving."

"Oh. What did they say to you?"

"Nothing much. Dumbledore made them apologize."

James's eyes lit up. "Wish I was there to see that."

"Potter! _Get into bed!_" shouted Madam Pomfrey from behind her office door. James rolled his eyes and flicked his hair, ruffling it as he strolled over to his bed across from Remus. He sat on it, patting the spot next to him.

Lily ignored his gesture and stood across from him, arms crossed. She was starting to feel like her life had completely lost reason. All she did nowadays was try to keep everybody, including herself in one piece.

"So what did Dumbledore say?"

James told her everything. Explained how Dumbledore had sat before his bed, Marv and the twins standing awkwardly around it. Made James tell the full story. James told the truth, Marv and the twin's didn't disagree with any of it. A hundred points was taken off Slytherin for each of them, three hundred points in total. It completely wrecked their chances of the house cup and every student in Slytherin knew who was to blame.

Each of the Slytherins was given a month's detention and letters were sent home to their parents. James's was given one detention for not respecting his duties as a prefect and telling a teacher sooner.

"Well…that sounds about…perfect." Lily couldn't help but grin at how everything had panned out. "Even your detention."

James pushed himself off the bed and pulled her towards him. It was invigorating, hugging James Potter. His hands slid up and down her back, massaging it pleasantly. His breath was a fusion of scents, mint and blood being the main two. They both pulled back after several moments.

"What do you say to a real date this weekend, at Hogsmeade?" asked James, cupping her cheeks. "We can just talk until the sun set's at The Three Broomsticks." The pad of his thumb traced the dark circles under her eyes.

"That's kind of what I needed to tell you," admitted Lily. Her mother's funeral was a tidal wave, devastating her idyllic beach of a life. "I'm leaving tomorrow."


	10. Chapter 10: Gone with the Wind

_Last time..._"That's kind of what I needed to tell you," admitted Lily. Her mother's funeral was like a dark little hole in her chest she'd been trying to overlook. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

Sometimes bits of your life can resemble a pathway. Make it concrete, tiles or gravel, whatever you prefer. Inevitability, the trail splits. You glance to your right and there's warmth. Everything is shades of crimson and orange and gold, the light is a soft glow, as if from a setting sun. You glance to your left and there lies the ocean. All is damp, murky and cold. The water's are deep, freezing and unmerciful.

All that stands between the two outcomes, all that separates them, is a feeble pathway. Those dark times in life are coming around; you'll find yourself balancing on that said pathway. All you can do is hope you'll leap into the warmth. Hope that you don't lose balance and tumble into the ocean. Sometimes you'll be on the brink of falling, your arms waving, trying to regain balance.

Your eyes widen in terror as you fall towards the ocean's deep, suffocating currents. But just as you're about to hit rock bottom, hit the icy waters and let their rotting hands grab at you and tow you under; a warm something catches you. It grab's you by the arm and drags you back up. Back to warmth, back to sanity. Sometimes you're saving grace can be an achievement. Sometimes it can be a house, a home. Most of the time, it's a person.

Lily allowed herself a fleeting glance in Professor McGonagall's direction before snatching the note from Chelsea's outstretched hand.

_So, is James okay?_

Lily stared around the class. All that could be heard was the furious scratching of quills on parchment and the occasional sigh.

_He will be_, Lily scribbled hurriedly. _Should be out in a few days. But I'll already be home by the time he is discharged. Like I said, I'm leaving tomorrow night._

Not many students dared write notes in Professor McGonagall's class. She shoved it across the table. Chelsea and Jacinta both grabbed at it as if they were dragon's fighting for a piece of meat. Lily still hadn't told her friends about her mother's death. She'd made every excuse possible as to why she shouldn't tell them. It was finally settled between her and herself that she would tell them when she got back.

It was Jacinta's turn to scribble a reply this time.

_That's good. Well, we hope you have a fun holiday. Hope your sister has a great wedding._

Yikes. Lily had been un-able to think up any other reason for her unprecedented leave. Guilt wracked through her.

_Thanks guys._

"Professor McGonagall?" called Amy Svendor. She was popular among her Hufflepuff friend's and had a serious obsession with Quidditch players. "I can't concentrate on my essay when Lily and her friends keep passing pieces of parchment around!"

Amy and Lily liked each other about as much as James and Severus did. Back before her family issues brought Lily's confidence and witty remarks down, Amy and Lily would argue daily, sometimes resorting to wands. It had all started the year before, when Lily was in fifth year and Amy's then boyfriend Jeremy Stevenson had dumped her to pursue Lily.

The pursuit, regardless of the countless times Lily had rejected him, was still not over. The fact that the whole school knew Lily was dating the gorgeous James Potter only worsened Amy's nastiness. Lily's eyes shifted from Amy's desk to Professor McGonagall.

"Ms. Evans?" McGonagall held out a firm, expectant hand.

Lily picked the note up off the desk, deciding that denial wouldn't get her anywhere today. She shot a quick glare at the smug-looking hufflepuff. _Bitch._

The bell rang. Everybody jumped up; the noise in the corridors was already growing. Lily could hear the hysterically angry caretaker shouting at students. "Dueling in the corridors is _not bloody tolerated_! Williams that mean you!"

Amy Svendor smirked at her from across the classroom, making for the door. Her pretty blonde curls bounced with each proud step.

"Satisfied?" Lily called across the room when McGonagall had left. Amy paused and turned to glare at her. Lily's irritation only grew when pain shot through her torso upon her standing up. She hid a grimace.

"Visited James Potter yet Evans?" Lily noticed her high, snappish tone was laced with jealousy and awe. Just because the entire school knew she talked about the Marauders like gods, didn't mean she had some kind of claim on them.

"That's none of your business," snapped Lily, very irritated now. "And shouldn't you have a license for being that god-damn immature?"

Amy narrowed her eyes. "You hated them. Oh and quick Evans, your hairs on fire!" sneered Amy. Whenever she had nothing else to say, the comebacks would be re-directed to Lily's hair.

Lily sighed in exasperation, unable to believe how naive Amy was.

"Leave her alone Amy," growled Jacinta, picking up her books and ushering Lily out of the classroom.

"Grow some brain cells Amy," agreed Chelsea, following her two friends from the room.

The trio strode to Herbology, arms linked. In that moment, Lily remembered why Jacinta and Chelsea were her best friends. The feeling of unspoken affection which had been absent for so long returned, all at once they were sister's again.

The bell, for dinner this time, was about to ring in Defense against the Dark Arts. Lily was _still_ replaying the morning's events in her mind. Afternoon classes had been agony, pure torture. Time truly did drag out when it desired. James's reaction _was_ worse than she had expected, she had to admit to herself. She'd grown so accustomed to his constant, unfailing support that when he had objected to her planned leave that morning in the hospital, she'd been taken aback.

What worried Lily most was that for the first time, she felt James was being untruthful in his reasoning.

"_What about your studies? You can't just _leave_ class for two weeks!"_

"_James, don't be ridiculous, it's two weeks, not two years for Merlin's sake!"_

_Pause. James's eyes were hooded. _

"_What's with you anyway? I thought you'd understand this is my _mother's funeral_ we're talking about!" said Lily._

_Another silence._

"_I'm sorry," James finally said, shaking his head. "You're right. Merlin, of course you're right. I think I'm just tired." He muttered something about painkiller side-effects._

Lily highly doubted the reason James was so opposed to her leaving could possibly be due to her education.

The last thing Lily expected to find at the Gryffindor dinner table was James. _What the hell is he doing out of hospital?_ His eyes in turn were drawn to her bobbing crimson hair, streaming into the hall with the rest of the school. Her eyes met his, his features shifting into his signature lazy smirk.

The air around him looked off; the smirk not quite believable when his cheek was tinged purple and his lips were chapped. Sirius sat across from him, looking un-characteristically grumpy. Peter sat beside Sirius, wringing his hands. Probably hungry.

The tinkling of McGonagall's cup sounded through the chatter and the hall fell silent, everyone finally had settled down.

"Just a reminder students," came Dumbledore's soft voice. "Tonight, our distinguished guests will be arriving for our upcoming career's advice workshop. Leaving your dormitories after nine o'clock tonight is strictly prohibited."

Lily's concentrated stare swapped from Dumbledore's smiling face to the untidy, dark brown, back of James's head.

"It is of utmost importance Hogwarts cherishes their achievements, therefore I strongly suggest you all have the courtesy to remember their names at the very least, and here is a quick reminder…Firstly, we have Greta Catchlove, highly esteemed author of _Charm Your Own Cheese_, a book which is sure to become a household name. Secondly we have Devlon Whitehorn, founder of the Nimbus racing broom company since 1967 –,"

There was an enthusiastic cheer from somewhere near the Slytherin table.

"…Last and certainly not least, Celestina Warbeck will be another of the speakers –,"

A group of four girls from Hufflepuff gave excited little cheers. There was a smattering of general enthusiasm from the female students.

"Indeed, as you know, she's none other than the talented singing sorceress currently dominating the countries radio stations!"

Dumbledore invited them to tuck in.

"I'll be back," muttered Lily. Chelsea nodded; the ravenous Jacinta didn't even look up from her chicken wings. Lily's cheery smile vanished the second she turned away from them.

_What is he doing out of hospital? That idiot. That extremely good-looking idiot. Oh who cares, attractive or not he's still a complete dimwit. _

"Hi James," said Lily warningly, casually seating herself in Remus's usual spot. The pain the movement caused in her abused abdomen was over-ruled by the thrill of excitement she felt. It was almost like she was just one of them now. Defiant thoughts trickled through her as several female pairs of eyes fell upon the scene. Their expressions weren't exactly welcoming. Lily didn't care. "Why aren't you in hospital?"

"And this is the welcome I get?" joked James, trying to cheer up the clearly pissed off Sirius. James's smile vanished at Lily's severity. She cocked one eyebrow at him

"You shouldn't be discharged yet! James, you were seriously hurt! I don't care what Madam Pomfrey lets you get away with and I don't care that she's healed you by magic, you almost – you almost _died, _okay? And _what _is his problem?" she added, jerking her head in Sirius's sullen direction.

"He's pissed because he found out about the Slytherin ambush through the _school_ instead of us."

"You should have told me," snapped Sirius, dropping his fork. "Man, if I had known what those moron's had done – I would have – I would've –,"

"We would have gone after them!" piped up Peter from beside Sirius.

"Hence, why we didn't tell you guys," continued Lily. "The last thing needed was a huge black dog massacring the Slytherin dormitories!"

James laughed briefly before subtly rubbing his sides. Lily scrutinized him gravely, wishing she had the power to order him to bed.

"We should visit Moony," suggested Sirius, changing the topic. "He's all alone in hospital thanks to injuries caused by your antlers!" he jabbed an accusing finger at James.

"Be quiet!" whispered Lily, staring around herself.

"Remus _isn't_ alone," muttered Peter in a small voice.

"Well of course he is, everyone's here Wormtail!" complained Sirius. Lily regarded him, surprised. He really wasn't in a good mood.

"No. They aren't," Peter disagreed quietly. Three pairs of eyes were now trained on Peter, suspicion being the main emotion behind them.

"Continue…" pressed Sirius.

"I think Remus has a girlfriend," Peter blurted out, his excited little eyes darting between them.

"_What?_" the synchronized reaction from the other two Marauders'.

"I was going up this afternoon to visit him, just after James walked out," continued Peter quickly, spurred on by the rapt attention he was receiving. "And I was about to walk in but then I heard voices. I recognized one and Remus's and one was some girl's. So I sneaked a look and they were bloody going at it! She was even lying in bed with him –,"

It was at this point the other two Marauders lost control. Sirius burst into laughter, his volume echoing through the hall and attracting the bemused stare of half the school and _all_ the staff.

"_Moony?_" choked Sirius loudly, unable to believe it.

James wasn't much quieter, roaring with laughter and banging his hand repeatedly against the table. His face was half contorted in pain from the movements, his hands clutching his ribs.

Lily found their laughter funnier than what they were actually laughing about. She suppressed a giggle, staring at the scene as if they were monkeys in a muggle zoo.

"Mr. Black! Mr. Potter! I insist you stop this behavior this instant!"

Lily jumped in fright, bumping into James. Professor McGonagall's furious voice was inches away from her ear.

"Sorry Professor!" Sirius choked, "But you have to hear this!"

She gave him a withering stare before stalking back to the staff table. Lily stared after her in shock; she could swear McGonagall had smiled after she'd turned away.

"And that's not all!" said Peter happily, blinking back tears. "I recognized her. It was Heidi Kelik!"

That cut the laughter short.

"The Slytherin girl in our year?" asked Lily, surprised. Lily remembered Heidi's plain, dark brown eyed face from the 'Slug Club'. Heidi had a famous uncle.

"The very same." confirmed Peter. "Anyway, he told me not to…oh shit, here he comes, he must've been discharged, _stop laughing_!" he added hastily, looking behind his shoulder at the approaching, limping Remus. James and Sirius were unable to stop themselves, their laughter starting up again as soon as the shock died off.

"Hey guys," greeted Remus cautiously, taking in their expressions. Peter looked down at the table, shoveling food into his mouth and looking busy.

Remus swung onto the bench and settled himself next to Lily. She held back a smile, green eyes raking over his unruly sandy hair and flushed cheeks.

"Hi Remus," said Lily shyly. She didn't know how to treat the situation; he'd nearly killed her last night for crying out loud!

"Hello Lily," smiled Remus warmly. Obviously he didn't know she knew the werewolf had been him. "What's so funny?" he added, staring at James and Sirius.

"How's Heidi?" smirked Sirius. James wolf-whistled, earning a few more stares. Lily was starting to remember why she'd previously been terrified of this publicly humiliating group.

"You little rat!" thundered Remus, shouting at Peter. He really did look like a werewolf now, eyes flashing, teeth bared. "You told them? The _one_ thing I told you to keep quiet for now and that's too challenging is it Wormtail?"

"They forced it out of me!" squealed Peter guiltily, his forehead slick with sweat.

"Yes we tortured him for every last detail," muttered James, voice dripping with sarcasm. He and Sirius seemed to have finally gained some control. The hall's chatter resumed to its previous volume.

Lily couldn't help but feel awkward when the Gryffindors all filed back into the common room. Automatically, she followed her friends to their table in the corner, pulling out their homework and starting without hesitation, wanting to get it over with. Lily felt overly alert…and overly observant. Some part of her itched to leave her quiet study table and sit with the Marauder's on the couch before the fire.

Every time Sirius let out a bark of laughter, her head snapped up, dying to know what was funny. James's eyes had, once again strayed over to her. There seemed to be a mutual understanding between the two that each had their own worlds and their relationship wouldn't change that. At least not right away. _What are you doing?_ She mentally snapped at herself, turning back to her essay.

An hour passed, Lily found herself straining to hear their conversation. Strangely, she felt as if she was wasting her time. Why was she sitting here, _bored_, when the evening was the only time she could actually spend time with him?

"Lily can you pass me that book?" asked Jacinta, tying her long black hair up into a high ponytail. Lily snapped out of her reverie and remembered why she was here.

_They are my friends! They aren't boring, what the hell is wrong with you? _She scolded herself, wordlessly passing _Advanced Potion Making_ over to Jacinta.

After another hour of internal debates and self-inflicted guilt-trips, Lily breathed a sigh of relief, watching Jacinta and Chelsea pack up. Lily glanced at the gold-framed common-room clock. It was ten o'clock.

"Coming up?" asked Chelsea casually, jerking her head towards the dormitory.

"Nah, I've gotta finish this," lied Lily, brandishing her parchment.

"Alright," said Chelsea, smiling knowingly. "Night then."

"Night."

Lily made herself count to fifty before making her way over to them. Most of the common-room had already retreated to their beds; the fire began to lessen as it ran out of wood to fuel it.

_Thirty eight…thirty nine…forty…forty one…forty t– _

"How's my Lily?"

Lily jumped, dropping her quill when Jeremy Stevenson approached her, all grins and winks.

"I was fine before you arrived," snapped Lily, angry at her own disappointment when she realized it wasn't James.

"Is this seat empty?" he asked, pointing to the chair opposite her.

"Yes and this one will be too if you sit down," Lily told him. He laughed.

"You never did visit me at the hospital again –,"

"I wasn't visiting _you _and you seem to be mistaking me for someone who gives a damn!"

"But my offer is still standing. I'm not giving up; all I'm asking for is one date."

Lily smacked herself on the forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Why are you even dating Potter?"

"I don't know Jeremy; lots of things can't be answered like.. why aren't you intelligent?"

"Come on Evans, I'm safer than that up-tight, risky Potter…"

"Okay I'll agree with the risky, but up-tight? _Me?_ Never!" James sardonic voice was beside her before she even had time to react to Jeremy's nerve. James stood there in all his tall glory.

His wind-ruffled hair was tinted with shades of copper and gold, the tints only emphasized by the dancing firelight. His lean body fit snugly into his robes. Jeremy's blue-eyed, dimpled face gazed up at James, his features a mix of surprise, awe and hostility.

"Oh Potter, I was just –,"

"You better be ready for tryouts tomorrow Stevenson. I don't select guys for my team who warm up the night before by trying to pick up other people's women," murmured James, his tone shifting to a snarl upon the last few words. Lily stared at Jeremy's furious, reddening face.

"What do you _want_ Potter?" snapped Jeremy rudely. Lily watched his hands trembling on the table despite his hard tone.

"Her," replied James, flicking his head towards Lily and grinning at Jeremy. Lily couldn't move. She hid her excited, pent up energy and settled with flashing James her best smile. James returned with a wink.

His lusty expression switched back to a dark look when his attention returned to the flustered Jeremy. "And she's mine. You seem to be forgetting that."

"Well – I–,"

"Mmhmm, you can leave now," purred James, motioning to the boy's staircase. Lily picked up on that dangerous undertone. It was almost radiating off him. _There is way too much testosterone in the air._

Jeremy complied, glaring at James all the while.

"Merlin Evans, I let you be alone for half a minute and some kid attacks you!" James looked away from Jeremy's retreating figure to grin down at her. Lily noted his light-hearted use of her last name. Just like old times.

"Excuse me, _Potter_," snapped Lily, still annoyed with all this 'kid' nonsense. "Jeremy is my age."

"I know," laughed James. She stared at his chuckle for a second longer than necessary.

"And_ let_ me be alone? You treat me like you own me or something!" scoffed Lily.

"And…?" asked James, smirking. Lily scowled. Inside she was soaring.

"Nothing," Lily smiled. "Nothing."

One hour later.

"Owww," moaned James, unable to resist struggling in Sirius's hold as Lily jerked at his bandages. Often, Lily forgot how quickly wizards and witches were healed of serious injury. It had been barely a day and James was ready for the tape supporting his ribs to be removed. Save for the purple tinge covering his cheek and the uncountable bruises surely lying underneath that chest strap, he was good to go. Lily was starting to regret not visiting the hospital.

"Ouch," growled James again.

"You big baby," muttered Sirius. He was holding James's muscular arms above his head, keeping them vertical while Lily worked at the tape. Peter and Remus watched on in quiet amusement. Lily stopped tugging, deciding she needed a new tactic.

Hopping up onto the couch, she straddled him, ignoring the absolute shock that crossed his face. He composed himself quickly. Lily held back a smile, noticing his eyes darting towards their position.

"Quick like a band-aid okay?" panted Lily, ignoring the thrill of sitting on his rock-hard stomach.

"Go," agreed Sirius, bored of keeping James's arms up.

Lily gripped the edge of the long, wide tape and prepared herself. In one motion, she used all of her strength, ripping the tape up and off his torso.

"_Fuck_, OUCH!" roared James, his hands, finally released by Sirius, came down to clutch his bare chest. "That HURT! Fuck that hurt, what is that tape designed to be permanent or what?"

Lily ignored his grumbling, staring openly at his chest. After her the initial shock of his toned body, she began to notice the marks. Purple blotches were scattered across his ribcage, painting a grim picture.

Unthinking, Lily reached out to stroke them, her fingertips brushing lightly over his skin, tracing their edges.

"Please don't," begged Sirius, shoving James off him and standing up. Lily pulled her hand back as if she'd been electrocuted, ripping out of her reverie. "You two want the bedroom for the night?"

She suddenly noticed she was still straddling James and promptly shuffled off, preferring a seat next to him in public.

James laughed, the mood lifting. Lily hid her mortification with a small smile. Her answer to Sirius's question was yes. _Merlin, yes_. She was then momentarily appalled at her own thoughts.

"I'm serious," said Sirius, unsmiling. James punched him playfully. "What? I am! I'm Sirius! Get it?"

James burst into laughter at his best friend's idiocy. Remus and Peter had a good chuckle too. Lily just smiled, completely at ease. James slung an arm around Lily's shoulder, pulling her against him.

"Anyway, James you're fine with that Potions thing now right? I can go?" asked Sirius, back to business. He grabbed his books off the floor. Lily was barely listening; she fought to keep her breathing slow at the feeling of James's bare torso pressed against her side.

"Yeah I'm sweet, go get some sleep guys."

"I'm off," yawned Sirius. With a wave in James and Lily's direction, Peter and Remus followed him up the boy's steps.

"You should go to sleep," Sirius added over his shoulder, eyeing James. "Don't forget we have early tryouts tomorrow captain! Don't keep him up too long Evans!"

"Night," called James from their couch, positively beaming.

"Good_night_," called Lily, giving Sirius an exasperated scowl over her shoulder.

James's eyes were trained on her, glazed over with longing.

"What's with you tonight?" teased Lily, trying to make the air around them less intense.

James shrugged, his movement shoving Lily. She shifted awkwardly next to him, her cheeks betrayed her and began to colour at the intensity of his stare. Yet another reminder of how inexperienced she was with guys. His slender-fingered hand came up to hold her cheek, pulling her in for a slow, fiery kiss. Lily barely noticed his lips were still chapped and dry from his injuries; she was too high on James.

"So I never did give you that tour of the kitchens," breathed James, their foreheads pressed against each other. Lily pulled away in surprise.

"Really? Tonight? _Now?_ But the guest speakers are coming in…." her voice trailed off at the tempting look on his face.

"You can't be serious Lily," said James condescendingly. "Live a little, it's your last night!"

"Fine," pouted Lily. "This better be one amazing kitchen."

"Oww!" yelped Lily, hopping a few steps through the dark corridor. James had trodden on her foot again.

"Can't handle a bit of pain Evans?"

Lily could just make out his silhouette through the dimness. She marched right back up to him and stomped on his foot with all her might.

"Ouch!" shouted James, his hands emerged from his pockets to clutch his leg and limp over to the wall. He leaned on it, grimacing at Lily through the darkness.

"What are you Potter, a first year?" whispered Lily, fighting the urge to laugh.

"Well played. Evans one, me zero."

She grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him towards her and off the wall. He gladly allowed himself to be dragged against her, grinning at her uncharacteristic moment of confidence. Uncharacteristic since her mother's death that is. Before that, no-one pushed Lily Evans around.

"I love it when you take charge," whispered James, his hand finding her lower back.

Lily blamed her need for excitement on the darkness. The night-time was thrilling.

Her hands found the back of his neck, pulling him forward without hesitation. His lips were strong, rougher tonight than usual. Apparently he thought she was getting less fragile by the day. She felt almost drunk kissing him, her inhibitions flying away. They shoved against each other, fighting for control. Lily pushed him forcefully, forcing him up against the wall. The jolt of hitting something solid seemed to bring Lily back to her senses.

"Continuing with the tour," she smiled, pulling away. He was relentless, too far gone with hunger to understand what she had said. His mouth closed the gap again, silencing her feeble protests. She could feel James smiling against her lips.

"Hey!" she grinned and smacked him across the arm. He finally conceded, leaning back to let her speak.

"What do you expect, we'd go all the way right here? In this corridor?" she said, relieved to see the glazed over look in his eyes was lessening.

"Don't tease me then," complained James, grumbling. His eyes travelled south.

"_James_!" snapped Lily, pointing to her face. She sounded scandalized. "Up here please, we're here to see the mysterious, forbidden Hogwarts kitchen remember?" _Despite the fact that I would happily go on kissing him all night…_

"We're here by the way," he said, looking around himself. Lily let go of him, allowing him to scope out the entrance

He turned on the wall, stroking the middle of a picture Lily couldn't quite discern. Squinting through the dark she barely recognized it as a bowl of fruit before it promptly swung open, a doorway eating away at wall and reminding her of Diagon Alley. Behind was a room the size of the great hall. Elves, at least sixty of them rushed from all corners to inspect their visitors, expressions curious and shy.

"Girls first," smirked James, waving her ahead. Lily ignored him, looking around herself in amazement and stepping through the door. She heard James following behind her. The elves regarded her somewhat fearfully; their expressions became relieved when James joined her, stepping into the light.

"Mr. Potter!" a petite female with orb-like green eyes approached, beaming.

"Evening Daisy," said James politely. Lily stared at his formal manner in surprise. "Just showing my friend Lily here, your home and all the wonderful work you do."

There was a smattering of delighted embarrassment at his compliments. James really knew how to work these elves. They bowed so low their noses touched the ground, smiling and waving Lily around.

"Ughh I'm full," moaned Lily, rubbing her stomach. The elves had insisted on what felt like a twenty-course meal, stuffing her with everything from grapes to custard tarts. James followed her lead, stepping back through the dark corridor and watching the door seal up behind him. Lily could swear she heard the pear in the fruit bowl giggle.

"Me too," murmured James. "_Lumos!_"

Lily couldn't help but look around herself worriedly when light flared from James's wand.

"Oh good, it's still only one o'clock," he muttered quietly, checking his watch. _"Nox!"_

"Only?" Lily's tone was sarcastic.

Lily blinked through the dimness. White images were imprinted behind her eyelids. A jittery, excited feeling filled her stomach when they started off. Walking through the soundless corridor, only hearing James's soft, graceful padding; it was driving her insane. They walked in silence for the most part, their quiet breathing was rhythmic.

"Whoa!" cried Lily, stumbling forward. Her foot had caught on the upturned corner of some rug. Secure hands encircled her waist, drawing her backwards and into James's body. She held on to the front of his robe, breathing deeply in the darkness. Two long seconds passed, James arms still wrapped around her. The fact that this was their last night together for weeks seemed to be playing up on both their inhibitions. Not that James really had any to begin with.

Before Lily even realized what was happening, his lips found hers. Without a complaint in the world, she kissed him back, allowing her neck to tilt backwards. His lips worked furiously, the kiss having a sense of desperately needed release. James pressed into her, desperate to pull her past his skin, past the physical border.

A low murmuring made itself heard down the echoed corridor. Lily had no idea where she was, but the noise grew until she definantly heard people coming.

"James!" she gasped, breaking away and staring wildly around. "Do you hear that?"

Unwillingly, he tilted his chin up and listened. "Yes."

Lily felt herself being pulled forward by the arm, shadows passed over her eyes. She flinched, feeling as if she was about to walk into something. That and the fact that she was still dizzy from their kiss didn't add up to good balance.

"Come on, behind here," she heard James whisper, pulling her into some black hole and holding her there.

"Where are we?" she whispered back. She could hear the gentle washing sound of the great lake outside.

"Behind a suit of armor," replied James. "We –," he stopped, tensing up. A small crowd rounding the far corner, still out of earshot but gradually making their way down the corridor, wand-tips alight and chatting merrily.

With horrible realization, she recognized they were the guest speakers Dumbledore had told them about. Squinting, she peered out from behind the suit of armor, recognizing Celestina Warbeck's pretty face, even from far away. It had so often been splashed across the pages of the Daily Prophet, accompanied with words such as 'Pop Sensation!'

She stepped forward, getting a better view. Her foot landed on something squishy and alive. There was a hiss of pain. James hands smothered Lily scream, dragging her backwards and putting himself between whatever it was and Lily.

"Who's there?" growled James. The approaching famous wizards and witches were not yet close enough to see James's wand emit a deliberately weak light.

"James Potter?" said a breathless, high voice.

James jerked his torch forward, the light revealing a Ravenclaw girl. She looked about second year, maybe third. She had long, light brown hair, pulled up into a high ponytail. Her facial expression was jubilant and slightly giddy. _Man there are a lot of weird people in this school, _thought Lily

"Wait till I tell my friends," she giggled, smiling seductively. Lily already disliked her.

"What?" asked James curiously.

"That I was hiding behind a suit of armor with James Potter!" The dislike intensified.

"And Lily Evans," countered Lily, dodging around James to stand beside him. The girl looked taken aback; she hadn't realized Lily was there.

"I should have known," said the girl sadly. "As if James Potter would be alone."

Pity creeped through Lily's dislike. Ah, what it was like to be fourteen, hoping one of those badass senior boys would notice you.

"Actually that's often the case," said James silkily. He wasn't quite sure whether to be annoyed or amused at the clearly adoring girl.

The voices were startlingly close now. James peered out into the dark hallway. Lily stood, glaring at the girl who was currently staring at James, eyes glinting.

"You wanna keep your prefect status?" whispered the girl, addressing James. Her voice was nervous but determined. Lily began to feel edgy. Who knew what a heart-aching young teenage girl was going to do.

"Excuse me?" he replied quietly, not looking at her.

"Well I'm sure you won't continue to be one after they catch you on a high security night such as this!" James stared at her now.

"I don't plan on getting caught," snarled James, irritated now. He stared down at her as if she were a particularly bothersome house elf.

"Well, I plan on getting you caught, right here right now," she hissed, grinning madly. She turned towards the passing crowd, preparing to shout.

Lily grabbed her by the shoulder, whirling her around violently.

"Unless," the girl whispered, grinning maliciously. "You kiss me, James."

James was silent, staring at the girl in astonishment and…no…it couldn't be, _contemplation_? Lily's jaw dropped, unable to believe the girls nerve. Unable to believe James's nerve.

"You can't be serious!" hissed Lily; surprisingly her anger was directed at James.

James shrugged, his expression conflicted. "Would you rather we were caught?"

The girl piped up, her voice irritatingly high. "See, pick the smart option –,"

"Don't you get tired of hearing yourself talk?" snapped Lily, turning to face her, upper lip curled aggressively. Lily put her hands on her hips and swung her long red hair over her shoulder. She could feel James scrutinizing her.

She could almost predict his thoughts, for her's were the same. Her behavior, and the fact that she was actually feeling – well…very alive, was a sign of recovery. It was hard to believe jealousy, of all things, could be inspiring her old swagger's return. She turned back to James when the girl didn't reply.

"Fine, go ahead," Lily told him savagely. A voice in the back of her head told her she might be over-reacting but she didn't care. She was taking advantage of her new found attitude – it reminded her of her old self. "We'll see if I ever let you kiss _me _after you're done."

"Lily, I won't! Besides, it doesn't mean any –,"

"Have it your way," muttered the girl, shrugging. "It's a shame, James; you were so much hotter when you slept with half the school every month."

Lily pulled out her wand, her sight glazed over with fury, but she was too late.

"STUDENTS OUT OF BED!" the girl bellowed.

"_Silencio!_"

The Ravenclaw was rendered silent, but the damage was done. The chattering died, replaced by an uncomfortable silence. James stepped backwards, putting his wand light out and clutching Lily's hand. She struggled against him angrily, tired of being dragged around as if she were on a leash.

"Who _dares_ to hide behind there!" came a shocked call. It was an outraged McGonagall.

James stared around himself wildly, searching for some form of escape. In the end he had no other choice. He looked down at Lily, already pulling her forward. "Run."

"Let – go!" panted Lily, dragging behind. Her arm was beginning to hurt. "No-one's following, let _go!_"

She jerked her hand back with all her strength, shaking some feeling back into it as she slowed to a walk. She recognized the torch-lit hallway, it was the Transfiguration classrooms. Lily bent over, resting her hands onto her knees and breathing deeply, trying to minimize the pain.

She felt James place a hand on her shoulder. "You're shamefully unfit."

Lily jerked away from him, her cheeks as red as her swinging hair. She didn't want to admit she was in pain due to injuries not unfitness. "Don't talk to me."

"What?" yelped James indignantly. "I just saved our butts!"

"I can't believe you were going to _kiss_ her!"

"Oh," smirked James. Lily felt a hot wave of fury prickle through her. He watched her tie her hair into a high ponytail. He really knew how to push her buttons. "I see."

She was also still annoyed about the girl's blunt comments on James's sex life. '_James; you were so much hotter when you slept with half the school every month…'_ That stung.

Lily stormed off, taking barely five steps before he blocked her path again. Her mind was full of growling.

"I'm flattered you're so jealous," murmured James. He pushed a stray lock of hair from her dangerously narrowed eyes. Lily ignored the pleasant tingles she felt at his slight touch. Ignored the intoxicating manly scent, literally wafting off his neck…

"I'm not jealous," said Lily through her teeth. "I'm pissed off." It wasn't fair, why should _she_ have to become more accepting of _his_ arrogance? Why could he grow up and just become less self-absorbed. It would make everyone happier. It took every ounce of self control not to slap that idiotic smirk right off his handsome little face.

The very same face that was inching, closer and closer to her own.

"Don't you –," she warned, seeing the decision in his eyes. He cut her off with his lips, kissing her so aggressively she took a step backwards to balance herself. "….dare."

The moment was too intense. Lily had to look away. She searched wildly for an ice-breaker.

"So you've slept with half the school?"

It worked; James loosened his hold slightly on her and looked away. The spotlight was on him now.

"I'm not going to pretend to be clean or pure," he admitted, blinking. His dark lashes fluttered while he talked to his coat. "Lily, I'm just another stupid young guy. And I've done a lot of stupid things. I've had a fair few girl mates…short-lived, flirty friendships with…benefits."

It was Lily's turn to look away. "Am I just another?"

"No!" gasped James, looking up. "I've never been this – this…I haven't ever felt…" He paused. It was as if, never before he had been so lost for words while talking to a girl. "I've noticed you for longer than you think. I've never been this nervous."

"Nervous?" scoffed Lily. "Is that what makes this different?"

"No!" James struggled again. "What's different is why I feel nervous. This time I've got a lot to lose…Losing you would be…"

"Is that what you think me going home is?" Lily took her chance; she'd been desperate to know why he'd been weird about it from the moment she told him.

"Losing you? In a way, yes," admitted James, leveling her gaze. His expression was stony, much harder than the soft hold he kept secure around her waist.

"Why, what's wrong? I don't understand…I'll be back so soon!"

"I feel like this is closure for you or something. Like her funeral will mean the whole thing is really over and you'll be your normal Marauder-hating self when you get back. Those two weeks will be time for you to think things over – probably wonder what the hell you're doing screwing around with James Potter," he said his own name with some disdain. Lily saw that he was truly concerned; he'd given this a lot of thought.

"You _need_ed me," he continued, looking back and staring at her sadly. "When you're recovered…when you're yourself again…well…I just don't know."

"James," whispered Lily, "I'm not the same. I don't think I ever will be. It was a horrible period of my life and well…you patched me up. Prefect duty or not, I won't ever forget that…I don't think I could, even if I wanted to now."

He didn't look re-assured. His uncertainty, his rare moment of doubt in his own worth, was incredibly sexy.

"Hey…" said Lily softly. She leaned forward, kissing him softly. James was a little frozen in surprise, eyes open and staring into hers. She smiled against his sweet-tasting lips and her eyes slid shut, deepening the kiss. Lily sighed in pleasure - and James finally snapped out of his daze.

Everything was happening so quickly, Lily had no idea where she was being nudged. They were skin-to-skin, his chest pressed against hers, lips locked and James' scent overpowering Lily's sanity. She finally broke their rough, passionate kiss when her lower back hit something hard. She glanced down, realizing it was a school desk. Staring around herself, they were now in the moonlit Transfiguration classroom.

She curved her face back to him and his lips came down hard on hers. James's hands travelled slowly down her sides. She hid a wince when he touched her bruised stomach, not wanting to ruin the moment. His hands finally stopped, resting delicately upon her sensitive hips. With one rapid lift, she found herself propped up on the desk, the cool wood pleasant against the heated skin of her thighs.

Lily felt herself becoming breathless and pink, taking a moment to shrug out of her robe without breaking the kiss. It fell unceremoniously to the hard-wood floor. James glanced unsubtly down at her blouse, his fingertips trailing a fiery path down her exposed arms.

For once Lily's mind was clear as a blank canvas – free of the nervous voice that usually enjoyed chattering within her skull. She pushed James's robe right off his shoulders. It joined her own robe on the floor with a dull thud, leaving James in his school shirt and pants. A few heated kisses later, James chest was bare, Lily's intentions so powerful that the shirt vanished into thin air.

Surprised, he pulled away for second and stared at his own bared skin before shooting Lily a wolfish grin. His hand came up and pulled the elastic from her silky red hair, letting it cascade out and frame her pale, flushed face.

Lily swallowing, feeling her heart hammering against her chest. He grasped hold of the edge of her blouse, pulling it over her head. Lily leaned back, lying onto the long, hard surface of the desk. James followed, bending over her, shirtless and smiling.

She didn't know what was different about this particular make-out session, but it wasn't funny or even playful like the others were.

"Are you sure?" James gasped unwillingly, stunned and automatically leaning back when Lily worked his belt buckle.

"Yes," she whispered her voice heavy with want.

James pushed stray hairs from Lily's face, cupping her cheek and pressing his lips to her forehead. She inhaled deeply, the skin of his smooth neck almost touching her nose. James leaned in again, capturing her lips this time, while his hands bunched up her skirt.

It was a little overwhelming for Lily, knowing that she had someone who would literally die to save her. Not that she ever wanted that to be tested again. As to why James Potter, well, Merlin only knows.

Whether they had a future together she honestly didn't know. A lot had happened in such a short space of time. Priorities changed, prejudices broken. All she knew now, all she cared about, was that she couldn't lose him and she certainly didn't want to just be his friend.

Even as the chilly night wind whipped at her, her hair spilling from her robe's hood, her thought were still with James. Even as cities flew away beneath her broomstick destined for a funeral, his grinning face painted the back of her eyelids.


End file.
